Question:
Sermon from Landover Baptist Church: I’m sure all you Godly folks sitting in this church today know how I feel about unsaved people celebrating Christmas. But do you know how God feels about it? Well, I’m just about to tell you. It drives Him into a blood vessel popping, demon stomping rage. Ever wonder why so many folks die horrible, painful deaths in November and December each year? Well, now you know. The Lord kills them. You see, when an unsaved child sits around the tree on Christmas morning – the same tree the baby Jesus played in front of when Mary and Joseph celebrated Christmas — opening gifts – with each peel of the wrapper that little child is taking a whip to the Lord’s back. And it pains Him so! And the Lord doesn’t just get angry, my friends! - He gets even! Because unsaved children don’t deserve any gifts, much less gifts that celebrate a Savior their parents have denounced! It’s like the little tykes are going to a birthday party they weren’t invited to and stealing all of the birthday boy’s presents! Now, some of you yellow-bellied New Age Christians who don’t go to Landover and are listening to me on your fancy satellite might be thinking, "Oh, but Jesus loves the little children." Well, I have news for you: just because a silly little song says something, don’t make it so! Jesus hates children who don’t flatter Him and give Him His due. In fact, the Lord gets so jealous when people don’t pay enough attention to Him that He even punishes little children for things their daddies might have done! (Exodus 20:5) So my friends, if a 4-year-old’s parents are unsaved, it is just like that little child himself spit in Jesus’ eye. It don’t make a lick of difference to the Lord. You doubt me? Did the Lord go around asking little babies if they wanted to "opt out" of the Great Flood? No sir! He just went right ahead and drown them little kids! God knows that sin is in the blood, and the only way to get rid of it, it to snuff out entire bloodlines. He taught us that with the Great Flood, and people still snub their noses and refuse to learn that lesson! As True Christians, we know from the Holy Bible that unsaved folks who celebrate Christmas are committing an unforgivable sin. That’s the sin of Blasphemy of the Holy Ghost (Matthew 12:31). Jesus teaches us that people who celebrate His birthday without getting His permission, are doomed to spend eternity in Hell. Even if someone who is rude enough crash Jesus’ birthday party chooses to accept Him as their personal Savior later in life, they still don’t get to go to Heaven. They are condemned to Hell and Jesus tells us that there is nothing He, nor His Daddy, nor anyone else can ever do about it. That’s a whole lot of folks on fire, ain’t it? You’d better believe that Hell is gonna be 1,000 times the size of Heaven. Friends, God is still working on Hell. He’s got lots of people to roast, and they are waiting in line! Jesus promises us that He is going to pitch unsaved people into a "furnace of fire." (Matthew 13:41-42). You think the Nazis were the first ones to think of burning folks with furnaces? No, my friend – the Lord is always one step ahead of the feeble efforts of mankind. It might not make sense when we hear that God is going to interrupt little unsaved children from unwrapping gifts under the Christmas tree and hurl them into a pit of fire, but it’s not for us to question how the Lord gets his kicks. Since we know what God has in store for strangers who go around celebrating His birthday, it might be a good idea to show some Christian charity and do something to help them out before their fate is sealed. We already have True Christians who are lobbying Congress to put laws into effect that will prevent non-Christians from destroying their lives by celebrating Christmas. With new computer-credit-card domestic activity surveillance techniques put in place by our Bush administration, it has become a whole lot easier to track the purchase of gifts by nonbelievers. They should put these sorts of people in Jail, or fine them. Anything to deter them from making a mockery of God. It’s for their own good! I’d like to end here, by calling on our Christian children in this congregation, who hold this holiday so dear, to stand up and do something wonderful for Jesus! I will offer as a Christmas reward present, this brand new 12-guage Remington Shotgun, to the Junior High youth who reports to the Landover Baptist Police Department, the names and addresses of the most unsaved school chums they hear talking about getting Christmas presents, but have not accepted Jesus Christ as their personal playmate. I’m going to keep this shotgun right here, on the edge of the baptismal pool until next week, when we get the final tally from Deacon Chief O’Neil. The gun will then be given to the mother of the child who will wrap it, and place it with other gifts around the tree on Sunday Morning with a little note that says, "Merry Christmas, And Fine Shooting, From Your Best Friend, Jesus Christ." http://www.landoverbaptist.org/sermons/christmas.html
Response:
ahhh …. my favorite church. Give my regards to Betty.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Sermon from Landover Baptist Church: > I’m sure all you Godly folks sitting in this church today know how I feel > about unsaved people celebrating Christmas. But do you know how God feels > about it? Well, I’m just about to tell you. It drives Him into a blood > vessel popping, demon stomping rage. Ever wonder why so many folks die > horrible, painful deaths in November and December each year? Well, now you > know. The Lord kills them. You see, when an unsaved child sits around the > tree on Christmas morning – the same tree the baby Jesus played in front of > when Mary and Joseph celebrated Christmas — opening gifts – with each peel > of the wrapper that little child is taking a whip to the Lord’s back. And it > pains Him so! And the Lord doesn’t just get angry, my friends! - He gets > even! > Because unsaved children don’t deserve any gifts, much less gifts that > celebrate a Savior their parents have denounced! It’s like the little tykes > are going to a birthday party they weren’t invited to and stealing all of > the birthday boy’s presents! Now, some of you yellow-bellied New Age > Christians who don’t go to Landover and are listening to me on your fancy > satellite might be thinking, "Oh, but Jesus loves the little children." > Well, I have news for you: just because a silly little song says something, > don’t make it so! Jesus hates children who don’t flatter Him and give Him > His due. In fact, the Lord gets so jealous when people don’t pay enough > attention to Him that He even punishes little children for things their > daddies might have done! (Exodus 20:5) > So my friends, if a 4-year-old’s parents are unsaved, it is just like that > little child himself spit in Jesus’ eye. It don’t make a lick of difference > to the Lord. You doubt me? Did the Lord go around asking little babies if > they wanted to "opt out" of the Great Flood? No sir! He just went right > ahead and drown them little kids! God knows that sin is in the blood, and > the only way to get rid of it, it to snuff out entire bloodlines. He taught > us that with the Great Flood, and people still snub their noses and refuse > to learn that lesson! > As True Christians, we know from the Holy Bible that unsaved folks who > celebrate Christmas are committing an unforgivable sin. That’s the sin of > Blasphemy of the Holy Ghost (Matthew 12:31). Jesus teaches us that people > who celebrate His birthday without getting His permission, are doomed to > spend eternity in Hell. Even if someone who is rude enough crash Jesus’ > birthday party chooses to accept Him as their personal Savior later in life, > they still don’t get to go to Heaven. They are condemned to Hell and Jesus > tells us that there is nothing He, nor His Daddy, nor anyone else can ever > do about it. That’s a whole lot of folks on fire, ain’t it? You’d better > believe that Hell is gonna be 1,000 times the size of Heaven. Friends, God > is still working on Hell. He’s got lots of people to roast, and they are > waiting in line! Jesus promises us that He is going to pitch unsaved people > into a "furnace of fire." (Matthew 13:41-42). You think the Nazis were the > first ones to think of burning folks with furnaces? No, my friend – the > Lord is always one step ahead of the feeble efforts of mankind. > It might not make sense when we hear that God is going to interrupt little > unsaved children from unwrapping gifts under the Christmas tree and hurl > them into a pit of fire, but it’s not for us to question how the Lord gets > his kicks. > Since we know what God has in store for strangers who go around celebrating > His birthday, it might be a good idea to show some Christian charity and do > something to help them out before their fate is sealed. We already have True > Christians who are lobbying Congress to put laws into effect that will > prevent non-Christians from destroying their lives by celebrating Christmas. > With new computer-credit-card domestic activity surveillance techniques put > in place by our Bush administration, it has become a whole lot easier to > track the purchase of gifts by nonbelievers. They should put these sorts of > people in Jail, or fine them. Anything to deter them from making a mockery > of God. It’s for their own good! > I’d like to end here, by calling on our Christian children in this > congregation, who hold this holiday so dear, to stand up and do something > wonderful for Jesus! I will offer as a Christmas reward present, this brand > new 12-guage Remington Shotgun, to the Junior High youth who reports to the > Landover Baptist Police Department, the names and addresses of the most > unsaved school chums they hear talking about getting Christmas presents, but > have not accepted Jesus Christ as their personal playmate. I’m going to > keep this shotgun right here, on the edge of the baptismal pool until next > week, when we get the final tally from Deacon Chief O’Neil. The gun will > then be given to the mother of the child who will wrap it, and place it with > other gifts around the tree on Sunday Morning with a little note that says, > "Merry Christmas, And Fine Shooting, From Your Best Friend, Jesus Christ." > http://www.landoverbaptist.org/sermons/christmas.html
Isn’t that just the most overtly Christian thing you’ve ever seen? It is that brand of idiot that votes Repuklican and prays that abortionists and anti-gun activists get cancer before diving into a turkey dinner with all the trimmings. Can I get an AMEN Bob
Response:
message > Sermon from Landover Baptist Church: > I’m sure all you Godly folks sitting in this
church today know how I > feel > about unsaved people celebrating Christmas.
But do you know how God > feels > about it? Well, I’m just about to tell you.
It drives Him into a > blood > vessel popping, demon stomping rage. Ever
wonder why so many folks > die > horrible, painful deaths in November and
December each year? Well, > now you > know. The Lord kills them. You see, when an unsaved child sits > around the > tree on Christmas morning – the same tree the
baby Jesus played in > front of > when Mary and Joseph celebrated Christmas —
opening gifts – with > each peel > of the wrapper that little child is taking a
whip to the Lord’s back. > And it > pains Him so! And the Lord doesn’t just get
angry, my friends! - He > gets > even! > Because unsaved children don’t deserve any
gifts, much less gifts > that > celebrate a Savior their parents have
denounced! It’s like the > little tykes > are going to a birthday party they weren’t
invited to and stealing > all of > the birthday boy’s presents! Now, some of you
yellow-bellied New Age > Christians who don’t go to Landover and are
listening to me on your > fancy > satellite might be thinking, "Oh, but Jesus loves the little > children." > Well, I have news for you: just because a
silly little song says > something, > don’t make it so! Jesus hates children who
don’t flatter Him and > give Him > His due. In fact, the Lord gets so jealous
when people don’t pay > enough > attention to Him that He even punishes little children for things > their > daddies might have done! (Exodus 20:5) > So my friends, if a 4-year-old’s parents are
unsaved, it is just like > that > little child himself spit in Jesus’ eye. It
don’t make a lick of > difference > to the Lord. You doubt me? Did the Lord go
around asking little > babies if > they wanted to "opt out" of the Great Flood?
No sir! He just went > right > ahead and drown them little kids! God knows that sin is in the > blood, and > the only way to get rid of it, it to snuff out
entire bloodlines. He > taught > us that with the Great Flood, and people still
snub their noses and > refuse > to learn that lesson! > As True Christians, we know from the Holy
Bible that unsaved folks > who > celebrate Christmas are committing an
unforgivable sin. That’s the > sin of > Blasphemy of the Holy Ghost (Matthew 12:31).
Jesus teaches us that > people > who celebrate His birthday without getting His
permission, are doomed > to > spend eternity in Hell. Even if someone who is rude enough crash > Jesus’ > birthday party chooses to accept Him as their
personal Savior later > in life, > they still don’t get to go to Heaven. They are
condemned to Hell and > Jesus > tells us that there is nothing He, nor His
Daddy, nor anyone else can > ever > do about it. That’s a whole lot of folks on
fire, ain’t it? You’d > better > believe that Hell is gonna be 1,000 times the size of Heaven. > Friends, God > is still working on Hell. He’s got lots of
people to roast, and they > are > waiting in line! Jesus promises us that He is
going to pitch unsaved > people > into a "furnace of fire." (Matthew 13:41-42). You think the Nazis > were the > first ones to think of burning folks with
furnaces? No, my friend – > the > Lord is always one step ahead of the feeble efforts of mankind. > It might not make sense when we hear that God
is going to interrupt > little > unsaved children from unwrapping gifts under
the Christmas tree and > hurl > them into a pit of fire, but it’s not for us
to question how the Lord > gets > his kicks. > Since we know what God has in store for
strangers who go around > celebrating > His birthday, it might be a good idea to show
some Christian charity > and do > something to help them out before their fate
is sealed. We already > have True > Christians who are lobbying Congress to put
laws into effect that > will > prevent non-Christians from destroying their
lives by celebrating > Christmas. > With new computer-credit-card domestic
activity surveillance > techniques put > in place by our Bush administration, it has
become a whole lot easier > to > track the purchase of gifts by nonbelievers.
They should put these > sorts of > people in Jail, or fine them. Anything to
deter them from making a > mockery > of God. It’s for their own good! > I’d like to end here, by calling on our
Christian children in this > congregation, who hold this holiday so dear, to stand up and do > something > wonderful for Jesus! I will offer as a
Christmas reward present, > this brand > new 12-guage Remington Shotgun, to the Junior
High youth who reports > to the > Landover Baptist Police Department, the names
and addresses of the > most > unsaved school chums they hear talking about getting Christmas > presents, but > have not accepted Jesus Christ as their
personal playmate. I’m going > to > keep this shotgun right here, on the edge of
the baptismal pool until > next > week, when we get the final tally from Deacon
Chief O’Neil. The gun > will > then be given to the mother of the child who
will wrap it, and place > it with > other gifts around the tree on Sunday Morning
with a little note that > says, > "Merry Christmas, And Fine Shooting, From Your Best Friend, Jesus > Christ."
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/sermons/christmas.html > Isn’t that just the most overtly Christian thing
you’ve ever seen? It > is that brand of idiot that votes Repuklican and prays that > abortionists and anti-gun activists get cancer
before diving into a > turkey dinner with all the trimmings. > Can I get an AMEN > Bob
Landover= parody worship. (you knew that, right?) However, this creepy one *is* for real: http://www.godhatesfags.com/main/ bk
Response:
Legoland does Jesus http://www.thebricktestament.com/ The Brick Testament, a website of Bible stories depicted through Lego tableaux that are sometimes searing, often humorous and always well crafted. It’s where irony, Christianity and Legos coalesce to create a beatific vision. To clarify: Smith isn’t really a reverend, at least in the traditional sense. He is a 30-year-old freelance Web designer who lives in Mountain View, Calif. Don’t expect to bump into him at any church socials, either. Smith is an atheist. The Brick Testament is not his first quirky project – some might recall his previous endeavor, the Internet film Vendetta: A Christmas Story. He also makes up half of the indie pop group The Human Heads, a collaboration with his girlfriend. According to Smith, the idea for The Brick Testament was a burning bush epiphany. Well, sort of. "God appeared to me in the form of a flaming burrito, it’s true," he says, via e-mail. "And while it may strike some people as odd that God called on an atheist to illustrate the Bible in Lego, remember that Moses was a murderer before he was called, and Paul a persecutor of Christians. So by comparison, I’m practically a saint." Of course, The Brick Testament is not embraced by all. The August 2002 issue of Bible Review deemed it "Winner of Web’s Worst Bible Art." The UK’s Sunday Mail slammed The Brick Testament’s frank depictions of illicit sex as "popular among paedophiles." And among a flood of glowing e-mails, a trickle of castigation drips into Smith’s inbox. One recent critic wrote, "I cannot begin to tell you how you have sent my spirit grieving. You took something that could have been used to light a fire for the Bible in children and totally thrust it into the world by including sex and sexual positions…" (To Smith’s credit, The Brick Testament does have content warnings for sex, violence, nudity and cursing, which Smith says he put on the site "to help parents determine if they want their kids to view the uncensored word of God.") Matthew Fox, a noted theologian and founder of the University of Creation Spirituality in Oakland, Calif., disagrees with Carder’s assessment of the biblical verse illustrated in The Brick Testament. "The fact is that the quotes are all accurate," asserts Fox. "Shocking, really, when you see them lined up together – slaves, women, semen-spilling, etc. It’s great to reproduce the worst passages of the Bible and get us to meditate on them. [It] gets people over bibliolatry, and makes them think about the ‘holy books’. One can never surrender conscience."
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > message > > Sermon from Landover Baptist Church: > > I’m sure all you Godly folks sitting in this > church today know how I > feel > > about unsaved people celebrating Christmas. > But do you know how God > feels > > about it? Well, I’m just about to tell you. > It drives Him into a > blood > > vessel popping, demon stomping rage. Ever > wonder why so many folks > die > > horrible, painful deaths in November and > December each year? Well, > now you > > know. The Lord kills them. You see, when an > unsaved child sits > around the > > tree on Christmas morning – the same tree the > baby Jesus played in > front of > > when Mary and Joseph celebrated Christmas — > opening gifts – with > each peel > > of the wrapper that little child is taking a > whip to the Lord’s back. > And it > > pains Him so! And the Lord doesn’t just get > angry, my friends! - He > gets > > even! > > Because unsaved children don’t deserve any > gifts, much less gifts > that > > celebrate a Savior their parents have > denounced! It’s like the > little tykes > > are going to a birthday party they weren’t > invited to and stealing > all of > > the birthday boy’s presents! Now, some of you > yellow-bellied New Age > > Christians who don’t go to Landover and are > listening to me on your > fancy > > satellite might be thinking, "Oh, but Jesus > loves the little > children." > > Well, I have news for you: just because a > silly little song says > something, > > don’t make it so! Jesus hates children who > don’t flatter Him and > give Him > > His due. In fact, the Lord gets so jealous > when people don’t pay > enough > > attention to Him that He even punishes little > children for things > their > > daddies might have done! (Exodus 20:5) > > So my friends, if a 4-year-old’s parents are > unsaved, it is just like > that > > little child himself spit in Jesus’ eye. It > don’t make a lick of > difference > > to the Lord. You doubt me? Did the Lord go > around asking little > babies if > > they wanted to "opt out" of the Great Flood? > No sir! He just went > right > > ahead and drown them little kids! God knows > that sin is in the > blood, and > > the only way to get rid of it, it to snuff out > entire bloodlines. He > taught > > us that with the Great Flood, and people still > snub their noses and > refuse > > to learn that lesson! > > As True Christians, we know from the Holy > Bible that unsaved folks > who > > celebrate Christmas are committing an > unforgivable sin. That’s the > sin of > > Blasphemy of the Holy Ghost (Matthew 12:31). > Jesus teaches us that > people > > who celebrate His birthday without getting His > permission, are doomed > to > > spend eternity in Hell. Even if someone who is > rude enough crash > Jesus’ > > birthday party chooses to accept Him as their > personal Savior later > in life, > > they still don’t get to go to Heaven. They are > condemned to Hell and > Jesus > > tells us that there is nothing He, nor His > Daddy, nor anyone else can > ever > > do about it. That’s a whole lot of folks on > fire, ain’t it? You’d > better > > believe that Hell is gonna be 1,000 times the > size of Heaven. > Friends, God > > is still working on Hell. He’s got lots of > people to roast, and they > are > > waiting in line! Jesus promises us that He is > going to pitch unsaved > people > > into a "furnace of fire." (Matthew 13:41-42). > You think the Nazis > were the > > first ones to think of burning folks with > furnaces? No, my friend – > the > > Lord is always one step ahead of the feeble > efforts of mankind. > > It might not make sense when we hear that God > is going to interrupt > little > > unsaved children from unwrapping gifts under > the Christmas tree and > hurl > > them into a pit of fire, but it’s not for us > to question how the Lord > gets > > his kicks. > > Since we know what God has in store for > strangers who go around > celebrating > > His birthday, it might be a good idea to show > some Christian charity > and do > > something to help them out before their fate > is sealed. We already > have True > > Christians who are lobbying Congress to put > laws into effect that > will > > prevent non-Christians from destroying their > lives by celebrating > Christmas. > > With new computer-credit-card domestic > activity surveillance > techniques put > > in place by our Bush administration, it has > become a whole lot easier > to > > track the purchase of gifts by nonbelievers. > They should put these > sorts of > > people in Jail, or fine them. Anything to > deter them from making a > mockery > > of God. It’s for their own good! > > I’d like to end here, by calling on our > Christian children in this > > congregation, who hold this holiday so dear, > to stand up and do > something > > wonderful for Jesus! I will offer as a > Christmas reward present, > this brand > > new 12-guage Remington Shotgun, to the Junior > High youth who reports > to the > > Landover Baptist Police Department, the names > and addresses of the > most > > unsaved school chums they hear talking about > getting Christmas > presents, but > > have not accepted Jesus Christ as their > personal playmate. I’m going > to > > keep this shotgun right here, on the edge of > the baptismal pool until > next > > week, when we get the final tally from Deacon > Chief O’Neil. The gun > will > > then be given to the mother of the child who > will wrap it, and place > it with > > other gifts around the tree on Sunday Morning > with a little note that > says, > > "Merry Christmas, And Fine Shooting, From Your > Best Friend, Jesus > Christ." > http://www.landoverbaptist.org/sermons/christmas.html > Isn’t that just the most overtly Christian thing > you’ve ever seen? It > is that brand of idiot that votes Repuklican and > prays that > abortionists and anti-gun activists get cancer > before diving into a > turkey dinner with all the trimmings. > Can I get an AMEN > Bob > Landover= parody worship. > (you knew that, right?) > However, this creepy one *is* for real: > http://www.godhatesfags.com/main/ > bk
Wow! Did you see why Tom Brokaw is going to hell?
Response:
> Sermon from Landover Baptist Church:
Of course it’s nothing but a spoof/parody/joke site. Just incase people were wondering…..
Response:
> > Sermon from Landover Baptist Church: > Of course it’s nothing but a spoof/parody/joke site. Just incase people were > wondering…..
Response:
> > > Sermon from Landover Baptist Church: > Of course it’s nothing but a spoof/parody/joke site. Just incase people were > wondering…..
Almost felt for it. :-/
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > message > > Sermon from Landover Baptist Church: > > I’m sure all you Godly folks sitting in this > church today know how I > feel > > about unsaved people celebrating Christmas. > But do you know how God > feels > > about it? Well, I’m just about to tell you. > It drives Him into a > blood > > vessel popping, demon stomping rage. Ever > wonder why so many folks > die > > horrible, painful deaths in November and > December each year? Well, > now you > > know. The Lord kills them. You see, when an > unsaved child sits > around the > > tree on Christmas morning – the same tree the > baby Jesus played in > front of > > when Mary and Joseph celebrated Christmas — > opening gifts – with > each peel > > of the wrapper that little child is taking a > whip to the Lord’s back. > And it > > pains Him so! And the Lord doesn’t just get > angry, my friends! - He > gets > > even! > > Because unsaved children don’t deserve any > gifts, much less gifts > that > > celebrate a Savior their parents have > denounced! It’s like the > little tykes > > are going to a birthday party they weren’t > invited to and stealing > all of > > the birthday boy’s presents! Now, some of you > yellow-bellied New Age > > Christians who don’t go to Landover and are > listening to me on your > fancy > > satellite might be thinking, "Oh, but Jesus > loves the little > children." > > Well, I have news for you: just because a > silly little song says > something, > > don’t make it so! Jesus hates children who > don’t flatter Him and > give Him > > His due. In fact, the Lord gets so jealous > when people don’t pay > enough > > attention to Him that He even punishes little > children for things > their > > daddies might have done! (Exodus 20:5) > > So my friends, if a 4-year-old’s parents are > unsaved, it is just like > that > > little child himself spit in Jesus’ eye. It > don’t make a lick of > difference > > to the Lord. You doubt me? Did the Lord go > around asking little > babies if > > they wanted to "opt out" of the Great Flood? > No sir! He just went > right > > ahead and drown them little kids! God knows > that sin is in the > blood, and > > the only way to get rid of it, it to snuff out > entire bloodlines. He > taught > > us that with the Great Flood, and people still > snub their noses and > refuse > > to learn that lesson! > > As True Christians, we know from the Holy > Bible that unsaved folks > who > > celebrate Christmas are committing an > unforgivable sin. That’s the > sin of > > Blasphemy of the Holy Ghost (Matthew 12:31). > Jesus teaches us that > people > > who celebrate His birthday without getting His > permission, are doomed > to > > spend eternity in Hell. Even if someone who is > rude enough crash > Jesus’ > > birthday party chooses to accept Him as their > personal Savior later > in life, > > they still don’t get to go to Heaven. They are > condemned to Hell and > Jesus > > tells us that there is nothing He, nor His > Daddy, nor anyone else can > ever > > do about it. That’s a whole lot of folks on > fire, ain’t it? You’d > better > > believe that Hell is gonna be 1,000 times the > size of Heaven. > Friends, God > > is still working on Hell. He’s got lots of > people to roast, and they > are > > waiting in line! Jesus promises us that He is > going to pitch unsaved > people > > into a "furnace of fire." (Matthew 13:41-42). > You think the Nazis > were the > > first ones to think of burning folks with > furnaces? No, my friend – > the > > Lord is always one step ahead of the feeble > efforts of mankind. > > It might not make sense when we hear that God > is going to interrupt > little > > unsaved children from unwrapping gifts under > the Christmas tree and > hurl > > them into a pit of fire, but it’s not for us > to question how the Lord > gets > > his kicks. > > Since we know what God has in store for > strangers who go around > celebrating > > His birthday, it might be a good idea to show > some Christian charity > and do > > something to help them out before their fate > is sealed. We already > have True > > Christians who are lobbying Congress to put > laws into effect that > will > > prevent non-Christians from destroying their > lives by celebrating > Christmas. > > With new computer-credit-card domestic > activity surveillance > techniques put > > in place by our Bush administration, it has > become a whole lot easier > to > > track the purchase of gifts by nonbelievers. > They should put these > sorts of > > people in Jail, or fine them. Anything to > deter them from making a > mockery > > of God. It’s for their own good! > > I’d like to end here, by calling on our > Christian children in this > > congregation, who hold this holiday so dear, > to stand up and do > something > > wonderful for Jesus! I will offer as a > Christmas reward present, > this brand > > new 12-guage Remington Shotgun, to the Junior > High youth who reports > to the > > Landover Baptist Police Department, the names > and addresses of the > most > > unsaved school chums they hear talking about > getting Christmas > presents, but > > have not accepted Jesus Christ as their > personal playmate. I’m going > to > > keep this shotgun right here, on the edge of > the baptismal pool until > next > > week, when we get the final tally from Deacon > Chief O’Neil. The gun > will > > then be given to the mother of the child who > will wrap it, and place > it with > > other gifts around the tree on Sunday Morning > with a little note that > says, > > "Merry Christmas, And Fine Shooting, From Your > Best Friend, Jesus > Christ." > http://www.landoverbaptist.org/sermons/christmas.html > Isn’t that just the most overtly Christian thing > you’ve ever seen? It > is that brand of idiot that votes Repuklican and > prays that > abortionists and anti-gun activists get cancer > before diving into a > turkey dinner with all the trimmings. > Can I get an AMEN > Bob > Landover= parody worship. > (you knew that, right?) > However, this creepy one *is* for real: > http://www.godhatesfags.com/main/ > bk
Nope, I fell for it. Pretty damned good- just the type of hateful stuff you’d expect. Now if I was to pick which was the parody, I would have picked the one that you posted. Pretty scary -lol Bob
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Sermon from Landover Baptist Church: > I’m sure all you Godly folks sitting in this church today know how I feel > about unsaved people celebrating Christmas. But do you know how God feels > about it? Well, I’m just about to tell you. It drives Him into a blood > vessel popping, demon stomping rage. Ever wonder why so many folks die > horrible, painful deaths in November and December each year? Well, now you > know. The Lord kills them. You see, when an unsaved child sits around the > tree on Christmas morning – the same tree the baby Jesus played in front of > when Mary and Joseph celebrated Christmas — opening gifts – with each peel > of the wrapper that little child is taking a whip to the Lord’s back. And it > pains Him so! And the Lord doesn’t just get angry, my friends! - He gets > even! > Because unsaved children don’t deserve any gifts, much less gifts that > celebrate a Savior their parents have denounced! It’s like the little tykes > are going to a birthday party they weren’t invited to and stealing all of > the birthday boy’s presents! Now, some of you yellow-bellied New Age > Christians who don’t go to Landover and are listening to me on your fancy > satellite might be thinking, "Oh, but Jesus loves the little children." > Well, I have news for you: just because a silly little song says something, > don’t make it so! Jesus hates children who don’t flatter Him and give Him > His due. In fact, the Lord gets so jealous when people don’t pay enough > attention to Him that He even punishes little children for things their > daddies might have done! (Exodus 20:5) > So my friends, if a 4-year-old’s parents are unsaved, it is just like that > little child himself spit in Jesus’ eye. It don’t make a lick of difference > to the Lord. You doubt me? Did the Lord go around asking little babies if > they wanted to "opt out" of the Great Flood? No sir! He just went right > ahead and drown them little kids! God knows that sin is in the blood, and > the only way to get rid of it, it to snuff out entire bloodlines. He taught > us that with the Great Flood, and people still snub their noses and refuse > to learn that lesson! > As True Christians, we know from the Holy Bible that unsaved folks who > celebrate Christmas are committing an unforgivable sin. That’s the sin of > Blasphemy of the Holy Ghost (Matthew 12:31). Jesus teaches us that people > who celebrate His birthday without getting His permission, are doomed to > spend eternity in Hell. Even if someone who is rude enough crash Jesus’ > birthday party chooses to accept Him as their personal Savior later in life, > they still don’t get to go to Heaven. They are condemned to Hell and Jesus > tells us that there is nothing He, nor His Daddy, nor anyone else can ever > do about it. That’s a whole lot of folks on fire, ain’t it? You’d better > believe that Hell is gonna be 1,000 times the size of Heaven. Friends, God > is still working on Hell. He’s got lots of people to roast, and they are > waiting in line! Jesus promises us that He is going to pitch unsaved people > into a "furnace of fire." (Matthew 13:41-42). You think the Nazis were the > first ones to think of burning folks with furnaces? No, my friend – the > Lord is always one step ahead of the feeble efforts of mankind. > It might not make sense when we hear that God is going to interrupt little > unsaved children from unwrapping gifts under the Christmas tree and hurl > them into a pit of fire, but it’s not for us to question how the Lord gets > his kicks. > Since we know what God has in store for strangers who go around celebrating > His birthday, it might be a good idea to show some Christian charity and do > something to help them out before their fate is sealed. We already have True > Christians who are lobbying Congress to put laws into effect that will > prevent non-Christians from destroying their lives by celebrating Christmas. > With new computer-credit-card domestic activity surveillance techniques put > in place by our Bush administration, it has become a whole lot easier to > track the purchase of gifts by nonbelievers. They should put these sorts of > people in Jail, or fine them. Anything to deter them from making a mockery > of God. It’s for their own good! > I’d like to end here, by calling on our Christian children in this > congregation, who hold this holiday so dear, to stand up and do something > wonderful for Jesus! I will offer as a Christmas reward present, this brand > new 12-guage Remington Shotgun, to the Junior High youth who reports to the > Landover Baptist Police Department, the names and addresses of the most > unsaved school chums they hear talking about getting Christmas presents, but > have not accepted Jesus Christ as their personal playmate. I’m going to > keep this shotgun right here, on the edge of the baptismal pool until next > week, when we get the final tally from Deacon Chief O’Neil. The gun will > then be given to the mother of the child who will wrap it, and place it with > other gifts around the tree on Sunday Morning with a little note that says, > "Merry Christmas, And Fine Shooting, From Your Best Friend, Jesus Christ." > http://www.landoverbaptist.org/sermons/christmas.html
This "preacher" is one very bitter and twisted indivual
Response:
message > Wow! Did you see why Tom Brokaw is going to hell?
You betcha. To summarize, it seems that he eulogized WWII traitors who burped and farted in silly hats while dykes and fags hijacked the US military. Aaaah, huh. Concerning this one: http://www.godhatesfags.com/images/fagsdie.jpg I wonderd about their sign models stance on gluttony and her apparent inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires. Maybe she ate a fag? bk
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Sermon from Landover Baptist Church: >I’m sure all you Godly folks sitting in this church today know how I feel >about unsaved people celebrating Christmas. But do you know how God feels >about it? Well, I’m just about to tell you. It drives Him into a blood >vessel popping, demon stomping rage. Ever wonder why so many folks die >horrible, painful deaths in November and December each year? Well, now you >know. The Lord kills them. You see, when an unsaved child sits around the >tree on Christmas morning – the same tree the baby Jesus played in front of >when Mary and Joseph celebrated Christmas — opening gifts – with each peel >of the wrapper that little child is taking a whip to the Lord’s back. And it >pains Him so! And the Lord doesn’t just get angry, my friends! - He gets >even! >Because unsaved children don’t deserve any gifts, much less gifts that >celebrate a Savior their parents have denounced! It’s like the little tykes >are going to a birthday party they weren’t invited to and stealing all of >the birthday boy’s presents! Now, some of you yellow-bellied New Age >Christians who don’t go to Landover and are listening to me on your fancy >satellite might be thinking, "Oh, but Jesus loves the little children." >Well, I have news for you: just because a silly little song says something, >don’t make it so! Jesus hates children who don’t flatter Him and give Him >His due. In fact, the Lord gets so jealous when people don’t pay enough >attention to Him that He even punishes little children for things their >daddies might have done! (Exodus 20:5) >So my friends, if a 4-year-old’s parents are unsaved, it is just like that >little child himself spit in Jesus’ eye. It don’t make a lick of difference >to the Lord. You doubt me? Did the Lord go around asking little babies if >they wanted to "opt out" of the Great Flood? No sir! He just went right >ahead and drown them little kids! God knows that sin is in the blood, and >the only way to get rid of it, it to snuff out entire bloodlines. He taught >us that with the Great Flood, and people still snub their noses and refuse >to learn that lesson! >As True Christians, we know from the Holy Bible that unsaved folks who >celebrate Christmas are committing an unforgivable sin. That’s the sin of >Blasphemy of the Holy Ghost (Matthew 12:31). Jesus teaches us that people >who celebrate His birthday without getting His permission, are doomed to >spend eternity in Hell. Even if someone who is rude enough crash Jesus’ >birthday party chooses to accept Him as their personal Savior later in life, >they still don’t get to go to Heaven. They are condemned to Hell and Jesus >tells us that there is nothing He, nor His Daddy, nor anyone else can ever >do about it. That’s a whole lot of folks on fire, ain’t it? You’d better >believe that Hell is gonna be 1,000 times the size of Heaven. Friends, God >is still working on Hell. He’s got lots of people to roast, and they are >waiting in line! Jesus promises us that He is going to pitch unsaved people >into a "furnace of fire." (Matthew 13:41-42). You think the Nazis were the >first ones to think of burning folks with furnaces? No, my friend – the >Lord is always one step ahead of the feeble efforts of mankind. >It might not make sense when we hear that God is going to interrupt little >unsaved children from unwrapping gifts under the Christmas tree and hurl >them into a pit of fire, but it’s not for us to question how the Lord gets >his kicks. >Since we know what God has in store for strangers who go around celebrating >His birthday, it might be a good idea to show some Christian charity and do >something to help them out before their fate is sealed. We already have True >Christians who are lobbying Congress to put laws into effect that will >prevent non-Christians from destroying their lives by celebrating Christmas. >With new computer-credit-card domestic activity surveillance techniques put >in place by our Bush administration, it has become a whole lot easier to >track the purchase of gifts by nonbelievers. They should put these sorts of >people in Jail, or fine them. Anything to deter them from making a mockery >of God. It’s for their own good! >I’d like to end here, by calling on our Christian children in this >congregation, who hold this holiday so dear, to stand up and do something >wonderful for Jesus! I will offer as a Christmas reward present, this brand >new 12-guage Remington Shotgun, to the Junior High youth who reports to the >Landover Baptist Police Department, the names and addresses of the most >unsaved school chums they hear talking about getting Christmas presents, but >have not accepted Jesus Christ as their personal playmate. I’m going to >keep this shotgun right here, on the edge of the baptismal pool until next >week, when we get the final tally from Deacon Chief O’Neil. The gun will >then be given to the mother of the child who will wrap it, and place it with >other gifts around the tree on Sunday Morning with a little note that says, >"Merry Christmas, And Fine Shooting, From Your Best Friend, Jesus Christ." >http://www.landoverbaptist.org/sermons/christmas.html
Oh, unsaved, I thought it said unshaved…. Tg
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Sermon from Landover Baptist Church: > I’m sure all you Godly folks sitting in this church today know how I feel > about unsaved people celebrating Christmas. But do you know how God feels > about it? Well, I’m just about to tell you. It drives Him into a blood > vessel popping, demon stomping rage. Ever wonder why so many folks die > horrible, painful deaths in November and December each year? Well, now > you > know. The Lord kills them. You see, when an unsaved child sits around > the > tree on Christmas morning – the same tree the baby Jesus played in front > of > when Mary and Joseph celebrated Christmas — opening gifts – with each > peel > of the wrapper that little child is taking a whip to the Lord’s back. And > it > pains Him so! And the Lord doesn’t just get angry, my friends! - He gets > even! > Because unsaved children don’t deserve any gifts, much less gifts that > celebrate a Savior their parents have denounced! It’s like the little > tykes > are going to a birthday party they weren’t invited to and stealing all of > the birthday boy’s presents! Now, some of you yellow-bellied New Age > Christians who don’t go to Landover and are listening to me on your fancy > satellite might be thinking, "Oh, but Jesus loves the little children." > Well, I have news for you: just because a silly little song says > something, > don’t make it so! Jesus hates children who don’t flatter Him and give Him > His due. In fact, the Lord gets so jealous when people don’t pay enough > attention to Him that He even punishes little children for things their > daddies might have done! (Exodus 20:5) > So my friends, if a 4-year-old’s parents are unsaved, it is just like that > little child himself spit in Jesus’ eye. It don’t make a lick of > difference > to the Lord. You doubt me? Did the Lord go around asking little babies > if > they wanted to "opt out" of the Great Flood? No sir! He just went right > ahead and drown them little kids! God knows that sin is in the blood, and > the only way to get rid of it, it to snuff out entire bloodlines. He > taught > us that with the Great Flood, and people still snub their noses and refuse > to learn that lesson! > As True Christians, we know from the Holy Bible that unsaved folks who > celebrate Christmas are committing an unforgivable sin. That’s the sin of > Blasphemy of the Holy Ghost (Matthew 12:31). Jesus teaches us that people > who celebrate His birthday without getting His permission, are doomed to > spend eternity in Hell. Even if someone who is rude enough crash Jesus’ > birthday party chooses to accept Him as their personal Savior later in > life, > they still don’t get to go to Heaven. They are condemned to Hell and Jesus > tells us that there is nothing He, nor His Daddy, nor anyone else can ever > do about it. That’s a whole lot of folks on fire, ain’t it? You’d better > believe that Hell is gonna be 1,000 times the size of Heaven. Friends, > God > is still working on Hell. He’s got lots of people to roast, and they are > waiting in line! Jesus promises us that He is going to pitch unsaved > people > into a "furnace of fire." (Matthew 13:41-42). You think the Nazis were > the > first ones to think of burning folks with furnaces? No, my friend – the > Lord is always one step ahead of the feeble efforts of mankind. > It might not make sense when we hear that God is going to interrupt little > unsaved children from unwrapping gifts under the Christmas tree and hurl > them into a pit of fire, but it’s not for us to question how the Lord gets > his kicks. > Since we know what God has in store for strangers who go around > celebrating > His birthday, it might be a good idea to show some Christian charity and > do > something to help them out before their fate is sealed. We already have > True > Christians who are lobbying Congress to put laws into effect that will > prevent non-Christians from destroying their lives by celebrating > Christmas. > With new computer-credit-card domestic activity surveillance techniques > put > in place by our Bush administration, it has become a whole lot easier to > track the purchase of gifts by nonbelievers. They should put these sorts > of > people in Jail, or fine them. Anything to deter them from making a mockery > of God. It’s for their own good! > I’d like to end here, by calling on our Christian children in this > congregation, who hold this holiday so dear, to stand up and do something > wonderful for Jesus! I will offer as a Christmas reward present, this > brand > new 12-guage Remington Shotgun, to the Junior High youth who reports to > the > Landover Baptist Police Department, the names and addresses of the most > unsaved school chums they hear talking about getting Christmas presents, > but > have not accepted Jesus Christ as their personal playmate. I’m going to > keep this shotgun right here, on the edge of the baptismal pool until next > week, when we get the final tally from Deacon Chief O’Neil. The gun will > then be given to the mother of the child who will wrap it, and place it > with > other gifts around the tree on Sunday Morning with a little note that > says, > "Merry Christmas, And Fine Shooting, From Your Best Friend, Jesus Christ." > http://www.landoverbaptist.org/sermons/christmas.html > This "preacher" is one very bitter and twisted indivual
And I would say the same about the so-called Christians who think Kerry should not be allowed to take Communion because of his position on abortion.
Response:
this is probably more appropriate for Easter but to further promote discussion about file sharing and collage. This April a hacker broke through Negativland’s UMN mainframe firewall and stole the final version of Negativland’s top-sacred for-internal-use-only "Mashin’ of the Christ" video project. Negativland prayed that their in-house project would not make it into the hands of the unsuspecting public, but we all know how hard it can be to stop those "peer to peer" criminals from illegally sharing the property of others. And what exactly did these hackers steal from Negativland?? "The Mashin’ of the Christ" was/is Negativland’s top-secret-not-for-viewing video response to the number one film in America. Negativland decrypted, downloaded and mashed up the most violent religious film ever made along with over 27 other Hollywood portrayals of Jesus to create their own vision of the last moments of Christ’s life… all in four minutes and 14 seconds. Is Christianity still stupid? Is Communism still good? Negativland hoped that no one would ever find out for sure. But that hope was dashed on Easter Sunday, 2004, when the video project was stolen from Negativland’s hard drive, and then, just last week, released onto P2P networks worldwide. Negativland’s friends and lawyers who had seen "The Mashin’ of the Christ" had strongly advised against a public release ever occuring (the "anti-circumvention" provision of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act says that doing this sort of decryption to make collage is illegal), but since God is said to see all secrets, only the public is left to be surprised by this unauthorized birth from Negativland. Voracious pirating of this work has spread across the Net and in the last few days high-resolution versions of "Mashin’" have even been appearing on P2P networks disguised as a complete copy of "The Passion of the Christ." http://www.negativland.com/mashin/release.htm
Response:
> This "preacher" is one very bitter and twisted indivual > And I would say the same about the so-called Christians who > think Kerry should not be allowed to take Communion because > of his position on abortion.
Ok, while we are talking about a "christian" issue, why not consult what the "christian" scriptures actually say about this matter? Biblically speaking, anyone who participates in the act of biblical "communion" with other believers (regardless of denomination) in an unworthy or hypocritical manner, brings God’s judgement in oneself. Paul wrote that one should examine one’s own conscience before deciding whether to participate or not. Whether or not Kerry is a christian, is not for me or any human to know or judge. But he will know if he is or isn’t. But he may not be aware of this, it’s pretty specific: 1 Corinthians 11:26-30 26 For "as often as you eat this bread and drink this cup, you show" the Lord