About Religion

Question:

> Jenwolf, I have been trying to hard to bite my tongue,

Feel free to flame all you want. > but I am about sick and tired of your ranting and raving about > wanting to die and how everything is so goddamned hopeless.

Scared of the truth are you? Or maybe the truth pisses you off. > You have got to be the most negative person I know.  

The queen of negativity at your service. >If someone means to die then they will, period.

Gee, I didn’t see that you answered the question. I doubt you’ve ever made a serious  attempt on your life. Not that I’m suggesting you do, I’m saying that you have nothing to compare and you take it on faith that it’s more courageous to live and that it’s easy to die. > It is more courageous to face life,

If you want to believe that then you are welcome to it. However, I know otherwise.  Life is a crock of shit. > to live out your fears and to see your hopes and dreams come true.

And shit smells and tastes good to people delusional about life being good and happy. > Don’t you dare think YOU are the only one that has ever felt that > they wanted to die.

Huh? I’ve never even implied such. >  Your whole way of thinking however is just a cry for attention….

Interesting I never get it. Seems if I "wanted attention" I’d be making stupid little wrist cuts  or something and then running to the ER. No, when I attempt suicide again, I’m planning to get it right. Try planning that sometime, find out how courageous you are. Try actually going through with it. I came really close to dying in early 1998, I never got medical attention.  Only a couple of people knew about the attempt afterward. I’ve never talked about it until recently and only on the ‘net. Yep, just crying for attention, uh huh. > very fitting name..wolf and all, since you cry it ALL the fucking > time.

Would you rather I went through with it then? I’ve got a great plan now. Revised just today. I’m going to get some of those suspension handcuffs. Then I will take a double dose of  Depakote. Then I will tie a plastic bag on my head, maybe I’ll use duct tape because it  was a failure of getting it tight enough around my neck that "saved" me last time I tried this (1998). Then I will cuff my hands from something above my head and preferably have my feet off the ground. That way, I won’t tear at the bag while asleep. > Either get help

Do you think I have been going to cmh for the last 3 months for nothing? Do you think I  have taken Depakote and Wellbutrin all that time, without missing even one dose, for  nothing? Do you think I have had countless therapy sessions for nothing? > or shut the fuck up, I am tired of hearing your whining.

Fuck off. Use the killfile.

Response:

> Don’t look at it that way, salarmy4me, it’s more courageous to live.

Oh? Have you made a serious suicide attempt? By serious I mean one where you expected  to die.

Response:

> The times I wanted to commit suicide I couldn’t do it.  I was too > scared of the pain or the next life.  How do these people who > succeed manage to do it?  I don’t understand that.  They must be > more courageous than I ever was.

Maybe they found the right method or just got lucky. There was a girl on ash who died  just recently after several attempts to jump from high places. She finally got hold of morphine and overdosed with it. Anyway, it does take a lot of strength/courage. Yesterday while I  was tearing the house apart looking for the bolt, I  found a large plastic bag (clothes storage bag). I decided to see if I could tie it onto my head and fall asleep. Didn’t work. It was not  easy to suffocate like that. I seriously want to do it this way now (since I’m sick of looking for this bolt), but take about double my normal dosage of Depakote first. That ought to make me sleepy enough. I would do this right now instead of being here if not for the fact that I haven’t worked out how to get my  husband to take the car to work himself so that he won’t be stuck there when I am dead  or near dead.

Response:

Im just curious Jenwolf. Are there particular problems in your life such as money trouble, or heath issues which make you feel like suicide is the answer? Mark

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> The times I wanted to commit suicide I couldn’t do it.  I was too > scared of the pain or the next life.  How do these people who > succeed manage to do it?  I don’t understand that.  They must be > more courageous than I ever was. > Maybe they found the right method or just got lucky. There was a girl > on ash who died  just recently after several attempts to jump from > high places. She finally got hold of morphine and overdosed with it. > Anyway, it does take a lot of strength/courage. Yesterday while I  was > tearing the house apart looking for the bolt, I  found a large plastic > bag (clothes storage bag). I decided to see if I could tie it onto my > head and fall asleep. Didn’t work. It was not  easy to suffocate like > that. I seriously want to do it this way now (since I’m sick of > looking for this bolt), but take about double my normal dosage of > Depakote first. That ought to make me sleepy enough. I would do this > right now instead of being here if not for the fact that I haven’t > worked out how to get my  husband to take the car to work himself so > that he won’t be stuck there when I am dead  or near dead.

Response:

Jenwolf, I have been trying to hard to bite my tongue, but I am about sick and tired of your ranting and raving about wanting to die and how everything is so goddamned hopeless.  You have got to be the most negative person I know.  If someone means to die then they will, period.  It is more courageous to face life, to live out your fears and to see your hopes and dreams come true.  Don’t you dare think YOU are the only one that has ever felt that they wanted to die.  Your whole way of thinking however is just a cry for attention….very fitting name..wolf and all, since you cry it ALL the fucking time.  Either get help or shut the fuck up, I am tired of hearing your whining. -judy

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Don’t look at it that way, salarmy4me, it’s more courageous to live. > Oh? Have you made a serious suicide attempt? By serious I mean one > where you expected  to die.

Response:

I thought about it.  But I couldn’t stay with the conclusion that the reason why people aren’t able to go through suicide is because their problems aren’t bad enough.  After all, I have depression mixed with OCD and painful flashbacks–I haven’t done it.  But then again, maybe I haven’t suffered long enough.  I’m sure that people on this newsgroup have been going through this suffering for longer than my three years. I went up to a very high mountain and looked down, knowing that if I jumped it would mean instant death.  But I couldn’t do it, and stalled so much that I just decided to go home.  I’m sure its the same with you too.  So I set about trying to fight the disease.  Its been six months and I haven’t gotten anywhere. Since you have a husband, you are probably luckier than most morbidly depressed people.  I’m sure he could do a lot for you. Here’s a stupid question:  If you kill yourself while reponding to a newsgroup, how will they know if you succeeded or not? * Sent from AltaVista http://www.altavista.com Where you can also find related Web Pages, Images, Audios, Videos, News, and Shopping.  Smart is Beautiful

Response:

Amen Linda – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Jenwolf, I have been trying to hard to bite my tongue, but I am about sick >and tired of your ranting and raving about wanting to die and how everything >is so goddamned hopeless.  You have got to be the most negative person I >know.  If someone means to die then they will, period.  It is more >courageous to face life, to live out your fears and to see your hopes and >dreams come true.  Don’t you dare think YOU are the only one that has ever >felt that they wanted to die.  Your whole way of thinking however is just a >cry for attention….very fitting name..wolf and all, since you cry it ALL >the fucking time.  Either get help or shut the fuck up, I am tired of >hearing your whining. >-judy > > Don’t look at it that way, salarmy4me, it’s more courageous to live. > Oh? Have you made a serious suicide attempt? By serious I mean one > where you expected  to die.

Response:

> Im just curious Jenwolf. Are there particular problems in your life > such as money trouble, or heath issues which make you feel like > suicide is the answer?

No. I just don’t want to be alive.

Response:

Go Goddess You go Gurl – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Jenwolf, I have been trying to hard to bite my tongue, but I am about sick > and tired of your ranting and raving about wanting to die and how everything > is so goddamned hopeless.  You have got to be the most negative person I > know.  If someone means to die then they will, period.  It is more > courageous to face life, to live out your fears and to see your hopes and > dreams come true.  Don’t you dare think YOU are the only one that has ever > felt that they wanted to die.  Your whole way of thinking however is just a > cry for attention….very fitting name..wolf and all, since you cry it ALL > the fucking time.  Either get help or shut the fuck up, I am tired of > hearing your whining. > -judy > > Don’t look at it that way, salarmy4me, it’s more courageous to live. > Oh? Have you made a serious suicide attempt? By serious I mean one > where you expected  to die.

Response:

To Billy: Fuck off. To Jenwolf: I’m deadly serious.  I don’t know if I’m being psychotic, or if this is real, but this is deadly serious.  I need this thread. To Thumper and Mark: Thanks for the replies. This isn’t going to be a suicide out of depression.  This is going to be a suicide because the alternatives are worse.  If Destiny or God or whatever compels me to call Tova, then I’m sunk.  Destiny is going to do it.  It will be some sort of compulsion I can’t resist.  Then I’ll be sunk. By cutting the carotid artery I can do it. I don’t want to do it.  I would like to live.  But if Destiny wants me dead, I’m dead. Got questions?  Get answers over the phone at Keen.com. Up to 100 minutes free! http://www.keen.com

Response:

The only thing I’m not sure about is is this purely delusional thinking on my part, or is this real. Got questions?  Get answers over the phone at Keen.com. Up to 100 minutes free! http://www.keen.com

Response:

The times I wanted to commit suicide I couldn’t do it.  I was too scared of the pain or the next life.  How do these people who succeed manage to do it?  I don’t understand that.  They must be more courageous than I ever was. * Sent from AltaVista http://www.altavista.com Where you can also find related Web Pages, Images, Audios, Videos, News, and Shopping.  Smart is Beautiful

Response:

> I’m deadly serious.  I don’t know if I’m being psychotic, or if this > is real, but this is deadly serious.

So am I > I need this thread.

You can have it. > This isn’t going to be a suicide out of depression.  This is going > to be a suicide because the alternatives are worse.

It was like that for me for more than a year. Now I’m just fucked and don’t know why.  It’s somehow better to be fucked and clearly see why as with your "Destiny" and your trouble with your girlfriend. > If Destiny or God or whatever compels me to call Tova, then I’m > sunk.  Destiny is going to do it.  It will be some sort of > compulsion I can’t resist.  Then I’ll be sunk.

Maybe you ought to go to the hospital right now, if that’s something you can compel  yourself to do. > By cutting the carotid artery I can do it.

I doubt that that method is as easy as it might sound, it might be easier to go to the hospital if you really want to live. > I don’t want to do it.  I would like to live.

Then go to the hospital now, don’t take any money. I know they have payphones in the hospital (the ones I’ve been at least). Maybe the staff can keep you from  making phone calls given the circumstances.

Response:

> My preceeding statement has been proven over and over again, that > eventually all things change with time.

I don’t disagree. They change one way and then the other, I’m tired of it > In Jack’s case, I truely believe that assistance from medical > professionals is necessary.

Probably. > Of course you disagree with me,

Not about him, no. I was annoyed at the statement, not at your thinking he needed medical help. > and are annoyed, because I am speaking from an optimistic viewpoint, > and you are thinking from a suicidal aggravated depression. I am > very sorry .

So am I. >  No, it won’t, not if > you kill yourself right away while your thinking is impaired.

It doesn’t matter whether my thinking is impaired or not. This is a feeling of desperation in  my gut. I want out *now* > That would be a horrible horrible tragedy. Many people would be > devastated.

My husband would. No one else would give a shit. I keep thinking, if I just didn’t get involved with him I could be dead now … that’s not to say I don’t love him or regret marrying him,  I just want to die now and hurting him makes it harder to carry out. >  Many people eventually > find the right combination to lead happy and productive lives.

"Many" is not the same as all. I am one who is outside the "many" > I care about you and hope you feel better soon, Mark

Thank you.

Response:

Don’t look at it that way, salarmy4me, it’s more courageous to live. -judy

> The times I wanted to commit suicide I couldn’t do it.  I > was too scared of the pain or the next life.  How do these > people who succeed manage to do it?  I don’t understand > that.  They must be more courageous than I ever was. > * Sent from AltaVista http://www.altavista.com Where you can also find

related Web Pages, Images, Audios, Videos, News, and Shopping.  Smart is Beautiful – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –

Response:

are you sure about the rapes??   does anyone else have any experience with this?  that just sounds horrible, surely they have guards and special cells for non-violent offenders?  all of this because you yelled at some woman????      DO NOT CALL HER   get someone to watch you 24 hours a day or something—–

Response:

You know what I remember about you when you’re not wanting to die?  Your kindness to strangers.  Your sense of fun!!! All of that is still in you — it’s just not there right now.  But, when *this too, passes* you can be  sooooo good for others again.  You make a difference, you know!  You did for me, sometimes. — Eileen [The world will go as it wills; not as you or I would have it.  MZB]

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->  Another thing I told my therapist. She says to > call her if I feel any worse or just need to call her.  I asked what > are going to do if I call you? If I’m about to shoot myself in the > head, what  are you going to do, call the police? I might as well just > call them myself and save you  the trouble, but of course I won’t call > them. I’m also thinking why would I call her if I feel  worse? She > will insist I go to the fucking hospital and I can’t stand that place. > Gawd I want to DIE > You can have the thread back now.

Response:

>  Eventually you will get past all this, but not by yourself.

My preceeding statement has been proven over and over again, that eventually all things change with time. In Jack’s case, I truely believe that assistance from medical professionals is necessary. Of course you disagree with me, and are annoyed, because I am speaking from an optimistic viewpoint, and you are thinking from a suicidal aggravated depression. I am very sorry . > I’m sorry to steal "Jack Flash’s" thread, but this annoys me. > the things they say that are similar to this. Today she says, you know > that eventually this will pass. I asked will it pass before I shoot > myself in the head?

Let me say I this. I have been where you are. I know how you feel. I have attempted suicide 3 times. Once nearly successful. Will this all pass before you shoot yourself in the head? No, it won’t, not if you kill yourself right away while your thinking is impaired. That would be a horrible horrible tragedy. Many people would be devastated. I wish I could take the pain away. I really hope the darkness is lifted from you soon. We are all born. We all die. But life just goes on regardless. It can be heaven. It can be Hell. It just depends on how you are looking at it. Many people eventually find the right combination to lead happy and productive lives. Their contibutions may make the difference in the lives of many others, including their own children. Yes, it can be very annoying to hear words of encouragement when they don’t change your mood right away. But the words are true. I care about you and hope you feel better soon, Mark

Response:

Ask the guards at the jail for a paper cup with some Baby Oil  in it for your lips,  it will help. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >I fucked up on a test given by Destiny in Seattle.  I said that >we should kill off all those people who are evil incarnate, >i.e., they’ve done so much evil they are literally pure evil, >less than 0.01% good, and the chosen evil, who when they are >first born, get a choice to choose between good and evil.  That >first decision determines their ultimate fate.  If they choose >evil, no matter what they do later in life, they will die >permanently after death. >I said this was a way to get rid of a lot of evil in the world. >But this was the wrong thing to do, and even though it was just >a simulation, if I had had real power, a lot of death would have >resulted.  As such, Destiny wants me dead.  Here’s how. >I am currently in a court case with my ex-girlfriend/friend of >ten years, Tova.  She has charged me with verbal assault–while >I was manic, I thought I was trying to help her, and it scared >and offended and alienated her completely.  There’s currently an >order of protection out.  No contact whatsoever.  If I call her, >she can have the police arrest me, and they will then take me to >jail. >I live in New York City.  One of the conditions of my release >while pending trial was this order of protection.  If I violate >it, I could be held in jail pending trial.  In jail, I would be >an extreme minority, and not too strong.  I’d almost certainly >be raped repeatedly.  They size you up the first few days, and >then they do it, according to accounts and I have no reason to >doubt those accounts. >So, Destiny will compel me to call her.  It will be a compulsion >that sooner or later I’ll give into.  Destiny put it there for >just that purpose.  Then, after that, she’ll call the police, >and they’ll come to pick me up.  At that point, I’ll cut my own >throat, at the jugular, with sharp long scissors. >It’s either that, or months in jail pending different parts of >the trial, and then a new trial for violating the order of >protection.  And then being convicted and sent to prison for up >to seven years.  And, being an extreme minority in that jail and >prison population, an extreme likelihood of rape. >Got questions?  Get answers over the phone at Keen.com. >Up to 100 minutes free! >http://www.keen.com

Response:

>  Eventually you will get past all this, but not by yourself.

I’m sorry to steal "Jack Flash’s" thread, but this annoys me. Today my therapist  thought about putting me back into the hospital. I was against that. She got me a much  sooner appointment with my doctor. Ok, whatever. But the thing about she and my doctor that annoy me are the things they say that are similar to this. Today she says, you know that eventually this will pass. I asked will it pass before I shoot myself in the head? She said she meant that as something for me to think about so that I won’t want to shoot myself in the head. I said, yeah it will pass and I know that. I also know that it will come back again. I will never be well, not well enough to function in this society. I have a bolt missing on my gun. It’s not functional without that bolt. I came home and tore the house up looking for it. Fuck that method. I’ve spent too much time trying to find a damned bolt. Now I have another method. I’m not doing it now, so don’t bother yourself with calling police. Another thing I told my therapist. She says to call her if I feel any worse or just need to call her.  I asked what are going to do if I call you? If I’m about to shoot myself in the head, what  are you going to do, call the police? I might as well just call them myself and save you  the trouble, but of course I won’t call them. I’m also thinking why would I call her if I feel  worse? She will insist I go to the fucking hospital and I can’t stand that place. Gawd I want to DIE       You can have the thread back now.

Response:

I fucked up on a test given by Destiny in Seattle.  I said that we should kill off all those people who are evil incarnate, i.e., they’ve done so much evil they are literally pure evil, less than 0.01% good, and the chosen evil, who when they are first born, get a choice to choose between good and evil.  That first decision determines their ultimate fate.  If they choose evil, no matter what they do later in life, they will die permanently after death. I said this was a way to get rid of a lot of evil in the world. But this was the wrong thing to do, and even though it was just a simulation, if I had had real power, a lot of death would have resulted.  As such, Destiny wants me dead.  Here’s how. I am currently in a court case with my ex-girlfriend/friend of ten years, Tova.  She has charged me with verbal assault–while I was manic, I thought I was trying to help her, and it scared and offended and alienated her completely.  There’s currently an order of protection out.  No contact whatsoever.  If I call her, she can have the police arrest me, and they will then take me to jail. I live in New York City.  One of the conditions of my release while pending trial was this order of protection.  If I violate it, I could be held in jail pending trial.  In jail, I would be an extreme minority, and not too strong.  I’d almost certainly be raped repeatedly.  They size you up the first few days, and then they do it, according to accounts and I have no reason to doubt those accounts. So, Destiny will compel me to call her.  It will be a compulsion that sooner or later I’ll give into.  Destiny put it there for just that purpose.  Then, after that, she’ll call the police, and they’ll come to pick me up.  At that point, I’ll cut my own throat, at the jugular, with sharp long scissors. It’s either that, or months in jail pending different parts of the trial, and then a new trial for violating the order of protection.  And then being convicted and sent to prison for up to seven years.  And, being an extreme minority in that jail and prison population, an extreme likelihood of rape. Got questions?  Get answers over the phone at Keen.com. Up to 100 minutes free! http://www.keen.com

Response:

***DONT*** CALL HER.  YOU WONT HAVE TO THINK JAIL/SUICIDE. ***DO*** CALL YOUR PDOC! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> So, Destiny will compel me to call her.  It will be a compulsion > that sooner or later I’ll give into.  Destiny put it there for > just that purpose.  Then, after that, she’ll call the police, > and they’ll come to pick me up.  At that point, I’ll cut my own > throat, at the jugular, with sharp long scissors.

Response:

Jack Flash <jackflasJack,   I was just wondering how you were. Sounds like you need a good antidepressant.    I am unfamiliar with the Destiny test, but to ease your mind there is no basis of reality in it. You are projecting thru obsession and depression.     At the risk of talking religion or metaphysics, let me say,…..that no matter what a person has done, there is always a chance for redemption. No one is permanently cursed after death imho, if they have it in their heart to live in the light of apology and love.     On a more practical level, 1) If Tova came running back today, it still would not work because you are not practicing balance and love. You must address your own problems which are driving you to act out an obsessive reaction. I suggest lithium and klonopin at this point too.   2) If you break the law and the police come, tell them that you need to go to the hospital! At the hospital, tell them you are suicidal and bipolar. From there, contact a parent or attorney, and seek to begin a defense of temporary insanity. If you havent been in trouble before, you would probably avoid incarceration all together. If you have a record, then you should seek temporary incarceration in a psychiatriac facility. Either way your self-fulfilling doom can be avoided.   The best thing you can do, is treasure the freedom you do have, and do whatever it takes not to lose it.    I am not a doctor, and my suggestions are just opinions. However, Im pretty dang smart. You should be talking to a pdoc about these things, and seeking balance in your life and moods. Eventually you will get past all this, but not by yourself. Mark – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text —— Original Message —– Newsgroups: alt.support.depression.manic Sent: Wednesday, July 05, 2000 1:47 PM > I fucked up on a test given by Destiny in Seattle.  I said that > we should kill off all those people who are evil incarnate, > i.e., they’ve done so much evil they are literally pure evil, > less than 0.01% good, and the chosen evil, who when they are > first born, get a choice to choose between good and evil.  That > first decision determines their ultimate fate.  If they choose > evil, no matter what they do later in life, they will die > permanently after death. > I said this was a way to get rid of a lot of evil in the world. > But this was the wrong thing to do, and even though it was just > a simulation, if I had had real power, a lot of death would have > resulted.  As such, Destiny wants me dead.  Here’s how. > I am currently in a court case with my ex-girlfriend/friend of > ten years, Tova.  She has charged me with verbal assault–while > I was manic, I thought I was trying to help her, and it scared > and offended and alienated her completely.  There’s currently an > order of protection out.  No contact whatsoever.  If I call her, > she can have the police arrest me, and they will then take me to > jail. > I live in New York City.  One of the conditions of my release > while pending trial was this order of protection.  If I violate > it, I could be held in jail pending trial.  In jail, I would be > an extreme minority, and not too strong.  I’d almost certainly > be raped repeatedly.  They size you up the first few days, and > then they do it, according to accounts and I have no reason to > doubt those accounts. > So, Destiny will compel me to call her.  It will be a compulsion > that sooner or later I’ll give into.  Destiny put it there for > just that purpose.  Then, after that, she’ll call the police, > and they’ll come to pick me up.  At that point, I’ll cut my own > throat, at the jugular, with sharp long scissors. > It’s either that, or months in jail pending different parts of > the trial, and then a new trial for violating the order of > protection.  And then being convicted and sent to prison for up > to seven years.  And, being an extreme minority in that jail and > prison population, an extreme likelihood of rape. > Got questions?  Get answers over the phone at Keen.com. > Up to 100 minutes free! > http://www.keen.com > I fucked up on a test given by Destiny in Seattle.  I said that > we should kill off all those people who are evil incarnate, > i.e., they’ve done so much evil they are literally pure evil, > less than 0.01% good, and the chosen evil, who when they are > first born, get a choice to choose between good and evil.  That > first decision determines their ultimate fate.  If they choose > evil, no matter what they do later in life, they will die > permanently after death. > I said this was a way to get rid of a lot of evil in the world. > But this was the wrong thing to do, and even though it was just > a simulation, if I had had real power, a lot of death would have > resulted.  As such, Destiny wants me dead.  Here’s how. > I am currently in a court case with my ex-girlfriend/friend of > ten years, Tova.  She has charged me with verbal assault–while > I was manic, I thought I was trying to help her, and it scared > and offended and alienated her completely.  There’s currently an > order of protection out.  No contact whatsoever.  If I call her, > she can have the police arrest me, and they will then take me to > jail. > I live in New York City.  One of the conditions of my release > while pending trial was this order of protection.  If I violate > it, I could be held in jail pending trial.  In jail, I would be > an extreme minority, and not too strong.  I’d almost certainly > be raped repeatedly.  They size you up the first few days, and > then they do it, according to accounts and I have no reason to > doubt those accounts. > So, Destiny will compel me to call her.  It will be a compulsion > that sooner or later I’ll give into.  Destiny put it there for > just that purpose.  Then, after that, she’ll call the police, > and they’ll come to pick me up.  At that point, I’ll cut my own > throat, at the jugular, with sharp long scissors. > It’s either that, or months in jail pending different parts of > the trial, and then a new trial for violating the order of > protection.  And then being convicted and sent to prison for up > to seven years.  And, being an extreme minority in that jail and > prison population, an extreme likelihood of rape. > Got questions?  Get answers over the phone at Keen.com. > Up to 100 minutes free! > http://www.keen.com

Response:

Excellent response, Mark of The Forest <G> Thumper – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Jack Flash <jackflasJack, >   I was just wondering how you were. Sounds like you need a good > antidepressant. >    I am unfamiliar with the Destiny test, but to ease your mind there is > no basis of reality in it. You are projecting thru obsession and depression. >     At the risk of talking religion or metaphysics, let me say,…..that no > matter what a person has done, there is always a chance for redemption. > No one is permanently cursed after death imho, if they have it in their > heart to live in the light of apology and love. >     On a more practical level, 1) If Tova came running back today, it still > would not work because you are not practicing balance and love. You > must address your own problems which are driving you to act out an > obsessive reaction. I suggest lithium and klonopin at this point too. >   2) If you break the law and the police come, tell them that you need > to go to the hospital! At the hospital, tell them you are suicidal and > bipolar. From there, contact a parent or attorney, and seek to begin a > defense of temporary insanity. If you havent been in trouble before, you > would probably avoid incarceration all together. If you have a record, > then you should seek temporary incarceration in a psychiatriac facility. > Either way your self-fulfilling doom can be avoided. >   The best thing you can do, is treasure the freedom you do have, and > do whatever it takes not to lose it. >    I am not a doctor, and my suggestions are just opinions. However, > Im pretty dang smart. You should be talking to a pdoc about these > things, and seeking balance in your life and moods. Eventually you will > get past all this, but not by yourself. > Mark > —– Original Message —– > Newsgroups: alt.support.depression.manic > Sent: Wednesday, July 05, 2000 1:47 PM > I fucked up on a test given by Destiny in Seattle.  I said that > we should kill off all those people who are evil incarnate, > i.e., they’ve done so much evil they are literally pure evil, > less than 0.01% good, and the chosen evil, who when they are > first born, get a choice to choose between good and evil.  That > first decision determines their ultimate fate.  If they choose > evil, no matter what they do later in life, they will die > permanently after death. > I said this was a way to get rid of a lot of evil in the world. > But this was the wrong thing to do, and even though it was just > a simulation, if I had had real power, a lot of death would have > resulted.  As such, Destiny wants me dead.  Here’s how. > I am currently in a court case with my ex-girlfriend/friend of > ten years, Tova.  She has charged me with verbal assault–while > I was manic, I thought I was trying to help her, and it scared > and offended and alienated her completely.  There’s currently an > order of protection out.  No contact whatsoever.  If I call her, > she can have the police arrest me, and they will then take me to > jail. > I live in New York City.  One of the conditions of my release > while pending trial was this order of protection.  If I violate > it, I could be held in jail pending trial.  In jail, I would be > an extreme minority, and not too strong.  I’d almost certainly > be raped repeatedly.  They size you up the first few days, and > then they do it, according to accounts and I have no reason to > doubt those accounts. > So, Destiny will compel me to call her.  It will be a compulsion > that sooner or later I’ll give into.  Destiny put it there for > just that purpose.  Then, after that, she’ll call the police, > and they’ll come to pick me up.  At that point, I’ll cut my own > throat, at the jugular, with sharp long scissors. > It’s either that, or months in jail pending different parts of > the trial, and then a new trial for violating the order of > protection.  And then being convicted and sent to prison for up > to seven years.  And, being an extreme minority in that jail and > prison population, an extreme likelihood of rape. > Got questions?  Get answers over the phone at Keen.com. > Up to 100 minutes free! > http://www.keen.com > I fucked up on a test given by Destiny in Seattle.  I said that > we should kill off all those people who are evil incarnate, > i.e., they’ve done so much evil they are literally pure evil, > less than 0.01% good, and the chosen evil, who when they are > first born, get a choice to choose between good and evil.  That > first decision determines their ultimate fate.  If they choose > evil, no matter what they do later in life, they will die > permanently after death. > I said this was a way to get rid of a lot of evil in the world. > But this was the wrong thing to do, and even though it was just > a simulation, if I had had real power, a lot of death would have > resulted.  As such, Destiny wants me dead.  Here’s how. > I am currently in a court case with my ex-girlfriend/friend of > ten years, Tova.  She has charged me with verbal assault–while > I was manic, I thought I was trying to help her, and it scared > and offended and alienated her completely.  There’s currently an > order of protection out.  No contact whatsoever.  If I call her, > she can have the police arrest me, and they will then take me to > jail. > I live in New York City.  One of the conditions of my release > while pending trial was this order of protection.  If I violate > it, I could be held in jail pending trial.  In jail, I would be > an extreme minority, and not too strong.  I’d almost certainly > be raped repeatedly.  They size you up the first few days, and > then they do it, according to accounts and I have no reason to > doubt those accounts. > So, Destiny will compel me to call her.  It will be a compulsion > that sooner or later I’ll give into.  Destiny put it there for > just that purpose.  Then, after that, she’ll call the police, > and they’ll come to pick me up.  At that point, I’ll cut my own > throat, at the jugular, with sharp long scissors. > It’s either that, or months in jail pending different parts of > the trial, and then a new trial for violating the order of > protection.  And then being convicted and sent to prison for up > to seven years.  And, being an extreme minority in that jail and > prison population, an extreme likelihood of rape. > Got questions?  Get answers over the phone at Keen.com. > Up to 100 minutes free! > http://www.keen.com

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