Question:
>Since this wedding will be for my second marriage, I just wink at the >people who mention "gee, I hope this time it works" (like my ex, for example) >and say that well, statistics being what they are, I already *had* the one >that didn’t work and now I know better…
Amen!!! I really haven’t noticed too many "second marriages" here and I’m glad to know I’m not alone!! My fiance and I seem to be hearing a lot of "rebound" comments but we don’t feel that way at all. There won’t be much time between my divorce and remarriage, but I consider that unim- portant. What IS important to us is that we are very secure about our relationship and we’ve learned to blow off people who make comments about getting married too soon, etc. WE’RE happy, and we feel that’s what really counts. I have two children as well and they’re very excited about me being married again since they simply adore my fiance. We learn from our mistakes, don’t we???? Jan and Chris 4/23/94 — When the last thing we notice is the color of skin And the first thing we look for is the beauty within…… ….we shall be free.
Response:
Or do what Miss Manners says when someone says something shockingly rude (under which category I think talk about _divorce_ belongs without doubt) … just say "I beg your pardon!" in an appropriately shocked voice and stare … they’ll start to feel very uncomfortable. I have been lucky and no one has said anything like this to me and I don’t think you should have to deal with it. How rude. Good luck — "Some people are unable to experience even the slightest of life’s pleasures without being thrown into frenzies of analysis." – P.J. O’Rourke
Response:
Along all the same lines as the things already mentioned here, my mother is making sure never to lose the opportunity to remind me that any money I inherit from her (or my father, or grandparents) should be placed in a separate account in my name alone. Then I get to hear the song and dance about how important this is in case "anything ever happens." This from the woman who is currently living in THEIR house on my father’s money while he lives in a tiny apartment… all congenially agreed upon after their separation… go figure…. I don’t dignify comments about divorce with replies, generally. When pushed (esp. by my mother) I usually say something along the lines of "Well thank goodness we both know just what _not_ to do, from the examples around us. I’m sure we’re very much aware of what we’re doing and ready for the challenge, and not jumping blindly in as was usually the case when you were our age." There’s no good reply to that. ;) Miriam (& Jeffry) We’re getting married, be happy for us or shaddup…. Miriam Hoffman ><><>< "Laughable laughter is cataclysmic."
Response:
Regarding KR’s negative wedding greetings: You’re not alone. Although I haven’t had anyone tell me our marriage will end in divorce or something will go wrong with the wedding, my parents haven’t been very cooperative. When we got engaged on Christmas Day, I was actually afraid to call my parents to tell them. I waited to the next day and mentioned it in passing. Everyone in his family, like your situation, was happy, offered us congratulations, help, etc. I NEVER got a congrats from my parents. THey didn’t come out and condemn it, but they were pretty cool to the idea–so much so that they didn’t even mention it the next three times I called them. When I told my mom that I had picked out my dress, she said "for what?" SHe’s since come around a little bit, although there’s still an underlying tension. Because they live out of town, they’re not involved in things very much, although I’ve tried. (We’re paying for everything.) I am their only daughter. They have a problem with Wayne’s religion. I’m paranoid that there will be a blow-up at the rehearsal or something. I’m planning to go visit in a couple of weeks, and Mom said she’d help me with the invitations. Maybe we can iron things out then…but on the other hand, I’m not sure I want to get into it. WEll, anyway, it DOES feel good to blow some steam. Hang in there. Lisa (& Wayne) 7/23/94
Response:
>>Or do what Miss Manners says when someone says something shockingly >rude (under which category I think talk about _divorce_ belongs without >doubt) … just say "I beg your pardon!" in an appropriately shocked >voice and stare … they’ll start to feel very uncomfortable. I >have been lucky and no one has said anything like this to me and I >don’t think you should have to deal with it. How rude. Good luck
Since this wedding will be for my second marriage, I just wink at the people who mention "gee, I hope this time it works" (like my ex, for example) and say that well, statistics being what they are, I already *had* the one that didn’t work and now I know better…
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