Question:

Just ignore Ron.  Since you are new, you probably didn’t know who he was. We all just ignore him.  He is here to annoy all of us, but he really doesn’t bother most of us because we just don’t read what he writes.  If you will do the same, he will leave you alone.  Sorry I don’t have any specific advice other than that. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I appreciate  Lynn’s statement to my request for help. I am new > here—and came here with the thought that there would be ecstatic > soon to be or newly  married people that would be more than willing to > help and give some advic. (I have my own reasons about why I was > married in a courthouse the first time and truthfully I believe that I > am the only one who needs to know (as I am sure everyone here has > their reasons for the things they choose to or not to do). I told my > father (when we started getting along again that I know he missed out > walking me down the aisle and as his only daughter–his little girl > will give him the chance to dance with her again. NOW THAT RON G knows > more than I wanted to give. I ask you RON –Do you have anything > better to do than to knock down everyone in this group (including > newcomers) or would it be ok for me to make my requesition in peace. > AGAIN: > My husband and I are having a 19th century Victorian themed Wedding > We need help and advice from those friendly folk that are in this > group and wish to help (as I or any other well mannered lady or gent > would do for another). > Advice on Victorian Tea Luncheon food,dancing and Decor would be > appreciated.    -shadow- > PS.To all the others of the list,I am sorry. I am not upset with you, > but offended at RON’s reply to me (someone new asking for assistance) > If this is usually the way it works–please inform me for I will find > a new wedding site to attend?   Thank you

Response:

: + )   Thank you——-It made me laugh and feel better. (I guess the "giving away part " sounds siliar than being escorted by my Father,doesn’t it?! thank you! shadow – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I hate it when I miss the beginning of stuff I think my answer is…If >you really want you dad to escort you then by all means have him do so, >just point out that he is escorting you and not giving you away ( I >personaly don’t need anyone to give me away anyhow.  I mean I never liked >that whole concept, "Here, here ya go I don’t want her anymore, you can >have her" :P  I have always prefered the whole escort or who supports >this woman in marriage approach.)  To each their own.  Good Luck >Stephanie > I appreciate  Lynn’s statement to my request for help. I am new > here—and came here with the thought that there would be ecstatic > soon to be or newly  married people that would be more than willing to > help and give some advic. (I have my own reasons about why I was > married in a courthouse the first time and truthfully I believe that I > am the only one who needs to know (as I am sure everyone here has > their reasons for the things they choose to or not to do). I told my > father (when we started getting along again that I know he missed out > walking me down the aisle and as his only daughter–his little girl > will give him the chance to dance with her again. NOW THAT RON G knows > more than I wanted to give. I ask you RON –Do you have anything > better to do than to knock down everyone in this group (including > newcomers) or would it be ok for me to make my requesition in peace. > AGAIN: > My husband and I are having a 19th century Victorian themed Wedding > We need help and advice from those friendly folk that are in this > group and wish to help (as I or any other well mannered lady or gent > would do for another). > Advice on Victorian Tea Luncheon food,dancing and Decor would be > appreciated.    -shadow- > PS.To all the others of the list,I am sorry. I am not upset with you, > but offended at RON’s reply to me (someone new asking for assistance) > If this is usually the way it works–please inform me for I will find > a new wedding site to attend?   Thank you

Response:

Thank you for the info–never thought of involving them in the vow ceremony and I’ll check out the sites :-) ! shadow – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >(I have my own reasons about why I was > married in a courthouse the first time and truthfully I believe that I > am the only one who needs to know (as I am sure everyone here has > their reasons for the things they choose to or not to do). I told my > father (when we started getting along again that I know he missed out > walking me down the aisle and as his only daughter–his little girl > will give him the chance to dance with her again. > My husband and I are having a 19th century Victorian themed Wedding > We need help and advice from those friendly folk that are in this > group and wish to help (as I or any other well mannered lady or gent > would do for another). > Advice on Victorian Tea Luncheon food,dancing and Decor would be > appreciated.     >At the risk of actually agreeing with Ron, well, you already are married. >You already gave yourself away.  I don’t *care* why you got married in the >courthouse, but apparently if it was compelling enough for you, it must have >overriden your desire to have your dad give you away, even if it was just for >that small phase in your life.  That is a very unfortunate, tragic problem, >but that’s what happened. >While I can totally appreciate wanting to have a beautiful, elegant >celebration of your love and existing marriage and your desire to renew your >vows publically with your friends, I think it would be odd to be "given away" >after you’ve already been married.  An option would be for your parents, or >just your dad, maybe to walk you down the aisle as a show of support and >solidarity, but he/they would probably need to step away  well before you meet >your husband at the front for the renwal.  Another option would be to have a >special point where your parents pledge their support for your union as a >precursor to the vows, getting them involved in the ceremony. >I do wish you the best in having an elegant, delightful ceremony and >celebration of your marriage.  You may want to use altavista and search for >"victorian+wedding", as I know there are some sites out there with traditions >and fashions. >Some links I’ve seen are no longer at their original urls or i’d post them… >I know personally that I have *never* considered having my dad walk me down >the aisle.  Never.  This may be dirty linen in public, but he hasn’t lived >with me or my mom since the early ’70s, and the thought that he would "give me >away" makes me very scornful and bilous.  Then the other day the phone rang >late at night, and while everything was okay, I realized wait a minute, this >man is still my father, and some day he’ll be dead and I will never, ever be >able to make amends if I deprive him of this honor.  So now I’m wrestling with >being honest with my own wishes versus making a possible mistake I’d regret >for the rest of my life.

Response:

Pumping for gifts I am not doing. As a matter of fact I have expressed to one and all (we do not need anything-we have our home, we don’t need cash. and that if they wanted to bring a dish of food to contribute that would be fine but isn’t mandatory)! I on the other hand will be giving out gifts, dancing, and sharing my love for my family and friends with my husband at our wedding .the one who helped in the first wedding will be my bridesmaid. My father will walk me down the aisle. I will give the special spotlight of our father/daughter dance. I completely respect your opinion. this is an emotional issue for me as it is something in my life I will do to make amends with myself and my own feelings, my father, my MIL,. anyway–Iwon’t bore you with more–but is very important as any of the weddings discussed here are! Thank you! -shadow- – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >: (I have my own reasons about why I was >:> married in a courthouse the first time and truthfully I believe that I >:> am the only one who needs to know (as I am sure everyone here has >:> their reasons for the things they choose to or not to do). I told my ><snip> >: At the risk of actually agreeing with Ron, well, you already are married. >: You already gave yourself away.  I don’t *care* why you got married in the >: courthouse, but apparently if it was compelling enough for you, it must have >: overriden your desire to have your dad give you away, even if it was just for >: that small phase in your life.  That is a very unfortunate, tragic problem, >: but that’s what happened. >Well, after reading this group for awhile, I was a little shocked that I >agreed with Ron, also.  I am not meaning to attack you–I simply want to >point out that, if a friend/member of family got married in a courthouse >(for whatever reasons), waited several years and then invited me to their >"wedding", I would be inclined to think that I am being pumped for gifts/ >money by the already married couple.  I think having an anniversary >and vow-renewal ceremony is in line, but perhaps you should cut out some >of the traditional stuff–like your father giving you away, wearing a >big white dress, sending out wedding invitations, having showers, etc. >You can throw a party for any reason, but calling everyone together to >celebrate your wedding much after the fact just sounds like gimme gimme >to me.  Again, I am not meaning to attack you, I just want to point out >that some (or all) of your family/friends may see it this way.  I think >if you are carefull how you proceed, you can have a wonderful event. >As for Ron, just ignore him.  You gotta wonder about a "guy" who continues >to lurk around a wedding group after his wedding has taken place ;) >Good luck to you, Shadow! >-Kelley

Response:

I have no problem with Men–They do give great advice.  The ones that get to me are the ones that choose to knock you down and insult you just as you go to ask for advice. it would be like someone pulling into a new strange town to ask for the best site seeing locations or eateries and being insulted about who they are or where they’re from….and the person has never gotten to know you!   It hurts and offends. Thank you—I will keep in mind (what you said  :-)! -shadow- – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> As for Ron, just ignore him.  You gotta wonder about a "guy" who continues > to lurk around a wedding group after his wedding has taken place ;) >The biggest problem with Ron is that he has actually given some useful advice >once or twice so I would prefer not to completely killfile him.   >As for a guy hanging out in the group, I really like hearing guys’ >perspectives on the wedding.  The first time Don and I even hinted about the M >word, he mentioned that a problem he had with weddings was that men are made >into gigantic posable Ken dolls and stuffed into really uncomfortable outfits >and not given any voice…. Since Don’s the cuter half of this couple, that >just won’t be happening with us, and I like hearing how men look toward or >back on the most important day in their lives! (That Patrick guy sticks out in >my head lately. Good suggestions!)

Response:

>For example, >say you ask for advice on how to pull off >a pot-luck reception.

And you’d get flamed for being a stupid idiot. >Most of us would just assume that you’re >an adult and have already decided that for >yourself.

Obviously not much of one if you’d impose upon your guests to throw your wedding reception for you because you’re too greedy to do it yourself. Ron Ng Knows!

Response:

>I think my answer is…If >you really want you dad to escort you then by all means have him do so, >just point out that he is escorting you and not giving you away

He couldn’t if he wanted to because this dysfunctional person is ALREADY MARRIED. Ron Ng Knows!

Response:

I am of Chritian religion. I am getting along better with my father. I am young. young enough to still have been at home some odd years ago. I am married to the only man I have ever married (only married once) ,but my father and I DID NOT get along alll thru my teen years as I felt he gave my brothers more attention than he gave me and he had no idea how to handle a growing lady’s emotions. my mom (who was my outlet)worked nights soo I had no one to talk to or understand me . A big wedge was sliced between my father and I! As I became a wife and mother—I found that I could talk to him at an adult parent level of respect.  On a particular Father’s day-I gave him the book "butterfly kisses" and a tape of "father" songs. in The book I wrote that I know we didn’t get along but that I want to get to know him better agin (as he is sick—-has been for as far back as I can recall) and that I missed out on giving him the chance to walk me down the aisle  even if he can’t "give me away" . I always wanted my dream wedding. I’ll be having it next year with my 4 year old as the flowergirl and my father on my arm as I tell my husband that My feelings haven’t and will not ever change for him. (my little girl will get to be a part of this ;-) -shadow- PS.Thank yu for the input. it is kind of you to mention. Good luck to you and your father’s situation! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I know personally that I have *never* considered having my dad walk me down > the aisle.  Never.  This may be dirty linen in public, but he hasn’t lived > with me or my mom since the early ’70s, and the thought that he would "give me > away" makes me very scornful and bilous.  Then the other day the phone rang > late at night, and while everything was okay, I realized wait a minute, this > man is still my father, and some day he’ll be dead and I will never, ever be > able to make amends if I deprive him of this honor.  So now I’m wrestling with > being honest with my own wishes versus making a possible mistake I’d regret > for the rest of my life. >I can’t remember if you’ve ever stated your religion, but you might want >to see if your escort actually "gives you away." In some traditions, the >escort is just an escort. >Since I’m 32, haven’t lived with my parents since 1986, and was >previously married, it would have been ludicrous to have Dad "give me >away." I’ve already been gone a heck of a long time! On the other hand, >since the earlier marriage (to someone else) was a quick courthouse >ceremony, my father had never walked me down the aisle. It turns out >that, in the Catholic ceremony, there is no "giving away" of the bride >(or the groom, for that matter) — so my Dad could escort me and do the >proud father bit without any implications that he was handing over the >blushing maiden to her new owner. He just escorted me to the front of >the church, then went and sat down. Phil had already done the same with >his mother.  The "no give-away" ceremony is really kind of cool, as you >can choose to be escorted by anyone you wish to honor, without any >implication that this person has authority to bestow your hand in >marriage. Some Protestant ceremonies — and of course, any civil >ceremony — can be modified in this manner. >Now, you still may not want to go anywhere in public with your father, >but at least you have a middle ground. >Wende

Response:

>I told my >father (when we started getting along again that I know he missed out >walking me down the aisle and as his only daughter–his little girl >will give him the chance to dance with her again.

That’s right he missed his chance.  Too bad. That’s what you get for eloping at the courthouse (because you were pregnant).  If you want to dance with your father so badly, why not go to a bar with a band? Dance all night! >My husband and I are having a 19th century Victorian themed Wedding

No, you’re not.  You are ALREADY MARRIED. Therefore, you’re not having a wedding unless (a) you get a divorce or (b) your husband dies and you find someone else  for your little charade.  You have a thick a head as Dodie! Ron Ng Knows!

Response:

>I simply want to >point out that, if a friend/member of family got married in a courthouse >(for whatever reasons), waited several years and then invited me to their >"wedding", I would be inclined to think that I am being pumped for gifts/ >money by the already married couple.  I think having an anniversary >and vow-renewal ceremony is in line, but perhaps you should cut out some >of the traditional stuff–like your father giving you away, wearing a >big white dress, sending out wedding invitations, having showers, etc. >You can throw a party for any reason, but calling everyone together to >celebrate your wedding much after the fact just sounds like gimme gimme >to me.

EXACTLY.  She is a greedy self-centered head in the sand I want it all gimme gimme gimme immature person. Ron Ng Knows!

Response:

….hey hey hey     …..     I’M A GUY TOO  !!!!!! geesh…. T.R. see for yourself ! http://www.usaweddings.com/Scans/misc/TRmisc/TRpersonal04.htm

Response:

> As for Ron, just ignore him.  You gotta wonder about a "guy" who continues > to lurk around a wedding group after his wedding has taken place ;)

The biggest problem with Ron is that he has actually given some useful advice once or twice so I would prefer not to completely killfile him.   As for a guy hanging out in the group, I really like hearing guys’ perspectives on the wedding.  The first time Don and I even hinted about the M word, he mentioned that a problem he had with weddings was that men are made into gigantic posable Ken dolls and stuffed into really uncomfortable outfits and not given any voice…. Since Don’s the cuter half of this couple, that just won’t be happening with us, and I like hearing how men look toward or back on the most important day in their lives! (That Patrick guy sticks out in my head lately. Good suggestions!) — St Theresa of the Net/only one you at uwm/Goal: HS wardrobe/&Don in ‘99/all bases covered

Response:

: (I have my own reasons about why I was :> married in a courthouse the first time and truthfully I believe that I :> am the only one who needs to know (as I am sure everyone here has :> their reasons for the things they choose to or not to do). I told my <snip> : At the risk of actually agreeing with Ron, well, you already are married. : You already gave yourself away.  I don’t *care* why you got married in the : courthouse, but apparently if it was compelling enough for you, it must have : overriden your desire to have your dad give you away, even if it was just for : that small phase in your life.  That is a very unfortunate, tragic problem, : but that’s what happened. Well, after reading this group for awhile, I was a little shocked that I agreed with Ron, also.  I am not meaning to attack you–I simply want to point out that, if a friend/member of family got married in a courthouse (for whatever reasons), waited several years and then invited me to their "wedding", I would be inclined to think that I am being pumped for gifts/ money by the already married couple.  I think having an anniversary and vow-renewal ceremony is in line, but perhaps you should cut out some of the traditional stuff–like your father giving you away, wearing a big white dress, sending out wedding invitations, having showers, etc. You can throw a party for any reason, but calling everyone together to celebrate your wedding much after the fact just sounds like gimme gimme to me.  Again, I am not meaning to attack you, I just want to point out that some (or all) of your family/friends may see it this way.  I think if you are carefull how you proceed, you can have a wonderful event. As for Ron, just ignore him.  You gotta wonder about a "guy" who continues to lurk around a wedding group after his wedding has taken place ;) Good luck to you, Shadow! -Kelley

Response:

a bunch of very good stuff that I snipped… and… >(3) Expect for people to disagree with what you write and don’t take it >personally.  Some people have radically different opinions and ideas and >will not hesitate to say so.

Just to expand on that… people will offer opinions without being asked which, in my mind is pretty rude. For example, say you ask for advice on how to pull off a pot-luck reception. You’ll get at least one person to tell you that pot-lucks are tacky. Of course, you never asked if a pot-luck was tacky. Most of us would just assume that you’re an adult and have already decided that for yourself. And, most of us have enough class to keep our opinions to ourselves **unless specifically asked**.  But someone invariably will decide that you have the maturity of a 5-year old and chastise you for being such a clod as to even suggest a pot luck. Try not to take it so hard. You’ll learn very quickly who you can trust to give you good advice and whose a childish brat. ag No, he’s not a funny looking Jack Russell. He’s a beautiful Smooth Fox Terrier.

Response:

Ron’s like that to everybody, not just newcomers. You’re welcome and we’re glad to have you. I’d have answered you, except that I didn’t have anything to answer; the only thing Victorian or near-Victorian about my wedding is my dress (which is actually Edwardian, but within five years). I recommend killfiling him or just using a heavy hand on the ‘n’ key when his name comes up, and enjoying the rest of the group.         -Naomi — "I read ‘no law abridging’ to mean NO LAW ABRIDGING."                 Justice Hugo Black, U.S. Supreme Court

Response:

I hate it when I miss the beginning of stuff I think my answer is…If you really want you dad to escort you then by all means have him do so, just point out that he is escorting you and not giving you away ( I personaly don’t need anyone to give me away anyhow.  I mean I never liked that whole concept, "Here, here ya go I don’t want her anymore, you can have her" :P  I have always prefered the whole escort or who supports this woman in marriage approach.)  To each their own.  Good Luck Stephanie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I appreciate  Lynn’s statement to my request for help. I am new > here—and came here with the thought that there would be ecstatic > soon to be or newly  married people that would be more than willing to > help and give some advic. (I have my own reasons about why I was > married in a courthouse the first time and truthfully I believe that I > am the only one who needs to know (as I am sure everyone here has > their reasons for the things they choose to or not to do). I told my > father (when we started getting along again that I know he missed out > walking me down the aisle and as his only daughter–his little girl > will give him the chance to dance with her again. NOW THAT RON G knows > more than I wanted to give. I ask you RON –Do you have anything > better to do than to knock down everyone in this group (including > newcomers) or would it be ok for me to make my requesition in peace. > AGAIN: > My husband and I are having a 19th century Victorian themed Wedding > We need help and advice from those friendly folk that are in this > group and wish to help (as I or any other well mannered lady or gent > would do for another). > Advice on Victorian Tea Luncheon food,dancing and Decor would be > appreciated.    -shadow- > PS.To all the others of the list,I am sorry. I am not upset with you, > but offended at RON’s reply to me (someone new asking for assistance) > If this is usually the way it works–please inform me for I will find > a new wedding site to attend?   Thank you

Response:

> If this is usually the way it works–please inform me for I > will find a new wedding site to attend?   Thank you

I get the feeling that you’re new to newsgroups, aren’t you? Some things to remember when posting to public forums such as this: (1) You won’t always get an immediate answer to your questions. Sometimes people don’t have an answer and don’t want to post meaningless answers.  Somtimes the people who do have an answer haven’t read your post yet.  You should give a couple of days on any newsgroup before you post again … and even then there’s the possibility that their server hiccupped and lost your message.  It’s been known to happen. (2) Every newsgroup has a troll (or 2).  That is, every newsgroup has a couple of people who delight in trying to bait the regular participants.  After a while the regulars ignore them and then they have more fun baiting the newbies (like you).  Ron is one of ours (altho I have to admit that I find him funny on ocassion), as is the GangofSteves, and the latest is this Wophat person (not funny at all, just kinda pathetic).  You either learn to ignore them or you learn to appreciate their weird sense of humor. (3) Expect for people to disagree with what you write and don’t take it personally.  Some people have radically different opinions and ideas and will not hesitate to say so.  Unless you are being personally attacked or someone is just flat out wrong, there’s no need to get your dander up.  But you also have to learn to tell the difference between a difference of opinions and a personal attack. Hope this helps some.  Please hang around for a while before you make a decision… Karen — Karen Simmons, Photographer       The DK Gallery   http://www.thedkgallery.com Atlanta, GA    404.233.1230

Response:

> PS.To all the others of the list,I am sorry. I am not upset with you, > but offended at RON’s reply to me (someone new asking for assistance) > If this is usually the way it works–please inform me for I will find > a new wedding site to attend?   Thank you

Don’t worry, Ron’s the only one that acts like that here.  He’s a little dysfunctional…kind of like the embarrassing distant cousin that most families have hiding away somewhere who laughs really loudly at all of the most inappropriate moments (funerals, prayers, the lighting of the unity candle, etc).  We just skip right over his posts.  One in a very *great* while, he’ll actually *contribute* to a thread, but very rarely.  And if you ever agree with him and tell him so, he’ll insult you some more.  So don’t even bother. Please don’t leave, we’re really very helpful and entertaining. -Crystal — ….and the cloud forest around me hummed with the music of contentedness….

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Hi, I hope you won’t be put off. Please pay no attention to some of the posters. It is best to ignore their replies or as Robin has, put a killfile on them… Clare – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I appreciate  Lynn’s statement to my request for help. I am new > here—and came here with the thought that there would be ecstatic > soon to be or newly  married people that would be more than willing to > help and give some advic. (I have my own reasons about why I was > married in a courthouse the first time and truthfully I believe that I > am the only one who needs to know (as I am sure everyone here has > their reasons for the things they choose to or not to do). I told my > father (when we started getting along again that I know he missed out > walking me down the aisle and as his only daughter–his little girl > will give him the chance to dance with her again. NOW THAT RON G knows > more than I wanted to give. I ask you RON –Do you have anything > better to do than to knock down everyone in this group (including > newcomers) or would it be ok for me to make my requesition in peace. > AGAIN: > My husband and I are having a 19th century Victorian themed Wedding > We need help and advice from those friendly folk that are in this > group and wish to help (as I or any other well mannered lady or gent > would do for another). > Advice on Victorian Tea Luncheon food,dancing and Decor would be > appreciated.    -shadow- > PS.To all the others of the list,I am sorry. I am not upset with you, > but offended at RON’s reply to me (someone new asking for assistance) > If this is usually the way it works–please inform me for I will find > a new wedding site to attend?   Thank you

Response:

> PS.To all the others of the list,I am sorry. I am not upset with you, > but offended at RON’s reply to me (someone new asking for assistance) > If this is usually the way it works–please inform me for I will find > a new wedding site to attend?   Thank you

Ron is a troll, who’s sole purpose in life is to try and antagonize people on newsgroups, so, unfortunately, this *is* the way it usually works.  The secret is to ignore him.  I reccomend a killfile, and would be more than happy to help you set one up.  This way you see none of his posts (unless someone replies and quotes him).  Makes life much more pleasant, I assure you. — While this email address is valid, I don’t check it due to spam.  Please post all replies.

Response:

> I know personally that I have *never* considered having my dad walk me down > the aisle.  Never.  This may be dirty linen in public, but he hasn’t lived > with me or my mom since the early ’70s, and the thought that he would "give me > away" makes me very scornful and bilous.  Then the other day the phone rang > late at night, and while everything was okay, I realized wait a minute, this > man is still my father, and some day he’ll be dead and I will never, ever be > able to make amends if I deprive him of this honor.  So now I’m wrestling with > being honest with my own wishes versus making a possible mistake I’d regret > for the rest of my life.

I can’t remember if you’ve ever stated your religion, but you might want to see if your escort actually "gives you away." In some traditions, the escort is just an escort. Since I’m 32, haven’t lived with my parents since 1986, and was previously married, it would have been ludicrous to have Dad "give me away." I’ve already been gone a heck of a long time! On the other hand, since the earlier marriage (to someone else) was a quick courthouse ceremony, my father had never walked me down the aisle. It turns out that, in the Catholic ceremony, there is no "giving away" of the bride (or the groom, for that matter) — so my Dad could escort me and do the proud father bit without any implications that he was handing over the blushing maiden to her new owner. He just escorted me to the front of the church, then went and sat down. Phil had already done the same with his mother.  The "no give-away" ceremony is really kind of cool, as you can choose to be escorted by anyone you wish to honor, without any implication that this person has authority to bestow your hand in marriage. Some Protestant ceremonies — and of course, any civil ceremony — can be modified in this manner. Now, you still may not want to go anywhere in public with your father, but at least you have a middle ground. Wende

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(I have my own reasons about why I was > married in a courthouse the first time and truthfully I believe that I > am the only one who needs to know (as I am sure everyone here has > their reasons for the things they choose to or not to do). I told my > father (when we started getting along again that I know he missed out > walking me down the aisle and as his only daughter–his little girl > will give him the chance to dance with her again. > My husband and I are having a 19th century Victorian themed Wedding > We need help and advice from those friendly folk that are in this > group and wish to help (as I or any other well mannered lady or gent > would do for another). > Advice on Victorian Tea Luncheon food,dancing and Decor would be > appreciated.    

At the risk of actually agreeing with Ron, well, you already are married. You already gave yourself away.  I don’t *care* why you got married in the courthouse, but apparently if it was compelling enough for you, it must have overriden your desire to have your dad give you away, even if it was just for that small phase in your life.  That is a very unfortunate, tragic problem, but that’s what happened. While I can totally appreciate wanting to have a beautiful, elegant celebration of your love and existing marriage and your desire to renew your vows publically with your friends, I think it would be odd to be "given away" after you’ve already been married.  An option would be for your parents, or just your dad, maybe to walk you down the aisle as a show of support and solidarity, but he/they would probably need to step away  well before you meet your husband at the front for the renwal.  Another option would be to have a special point where your parents pledge their support for your union as a precursor to the vows, getting them involved in the ceremony. I do wish you the best in having an elegant, delightful ceremony and celebration of your marriage.  You may want to use altavista and search for "victorian+wedding", as I know there are some sites out there with traditions and fashions. Some links I’ve seen are no longer at their original urls or i’d post them… I know personally that I have *never* considered having my dad walk me down the aisle.  Never.  This may be dirty linen in public, but he hasn’t lived with me or my mom since the early ’70s, and the thought that he would "give me away" makes me very scornful and bilous.  Then the other day the phone rang late at night, and while everything was okay, I realized wait a minute, this man is still my father, and some day he’ll be dead and I will never, ever be able to make amends if I deprive him of this honor.  So now I’m wrestling with being honest with my own wishes versus making a possible mistake I’d regret for the rest of my life. — St Theresa of the Net/only one you at uwm/Goal: HS wardrobe/&Don in ‘99/all bases covered

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        Ron attacks everybody he finds fault with, newcomers or not. Please don’t think that he speaks for everyone here…this really is a helpful place for wedding planning, and I hope you can find some information you can use.                                 Jill

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> PS.To all the others of the list,I am sorry. I am not upset with you, > but offended at RON’s reply to me (someone new asking for assistance) > If this is usually the way it works–please inform me for I will find > a new wedding site to attend?   Thank you

Every wedding-related newsgroup or bulletin board gets its share of trolls; there will also inevitably be people who are not trolls but who state their disagreements with your approach. Ron is not representative of the participants here, and yelling at him doesn’t seem to have much impact. Sometimes you won’t get any other response because no one who’s around today has any interesting ideas. For a Victorian theme, a good starting point might be http://weddings.tqn.com/library/weekly/aa062998.htm. This is one of Rachel Schreckengast’s Mining Company essays and has a number of relevant links. Wende

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I appreciate  Lynn’s statement to my request for help. I am new here—and came here with the thought that there would be ecstatic soon to be or newly  married people that would be more than willing to help and give some advic. (I have my own reasons about why I was married in a courthouse the first time and truthfully I believe that I am the only one who needs to know (as I am sure everyone here has their reasons for the things they choose to or not to do). I told my father (when we started getting along again that I know he missed out walking me down the aisle and as his only daughter–his little girl will give him the chance to dance with her again. NOW THAT RON G knows more than I wanted to give. I ask you RON –Do you have anything better to do than to knock down everyone in this group (including newcomers) or would it be ok for me to make my requesition in peace. AGAIN: My husband and I are having a 19th century Victorian themed Wedding We need help and advice from those friendly folk that are in this group and wish to help (as I or any other well mannered lady or gent would do for another). Advice on Victorian Tea Luncheon food,dancing and Decor would be appreciated.    -shadow- PS.To all the others of the list,I am sorry. I am not upset with you, but offended at RON’s reply to me (someone new asking for assistance) If this is usually the way it works–please inform me for I will find a new wedding site to attend?   Thank you

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